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Ruth King on Healing Racism

November 6, 2018 By Eric Zimmer Leave a Comment

Ruth King is an emotional wisdom author, coach, and consultant. She’s a guiding teacher at Insight Meditation Community of Washington and she’s on the teacher’s council at Spirit Rock Meditation Center. In addition, she’s the founder of Mindful Members Insight Meditation Community in Charlotte, NC. She has a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology and is the author of several publications including her new book, Mindful of Race: Transforming Racism from the Inside Out. In this stirring, thoughtful and wise conversation, she touches on the heart of racism and teaches how we can move to heal this heart disease.

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In This Interview, Ruth King and I Discuss…

Her book, Mindful of Race: Transforming Racism From The Inside Out
The value of being curious about the good and bad wolves inside of us
Racism being a heart disease that is curable
Her open heart surgery at the age of 27
Rage being an exit route
Rage being energy moving through the body
Habitual patterns of racism being a layer on top of the real issue that we can’t tolerate – they are defense mechanisms
Racial affinity groups
6 hindrances
The structure of racism
Racism vs Prejudice
Racist vs Racism
Understanding our own experience with racism and talking about it
What it’s like to be “membered”
Individual vs group identity
Diversity within the body of color

Ruth King Links

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Re-Release: Tara Brach

October 9, 2018 By Eric Zimmer Leave a Comment

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This week we talk to Tara Brach

Tara Brach is an American psychologist and proponent of Buddhist meditation. She is a guiding teacher and founder of the Insight Meditation Community of Washington, D.C Brach also teaches Buddhist meditation at centers for meditation and yoga in the United States and Europe including Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, California, the Kripalu Center,and the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies.

Brach is an engaged Buddhist specializing in the application of Buddhist teachings to emotional healing. Her 2003 book, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha, focuses on the use of practices such as mindfulness for healing trauma. Her 2013 book, True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart, offers practices for tapping into inner peace and wisdom in the midst of difficulty.

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In This Interview, Tara Brach and I Discuss…

The One You Feed parable
Being kind to the parts of ourselves that are more primitive
The difference between feelings and thoughts
Dropping the storyline
The question of “What am I unwilling to feel?”
How we have to go through the difficult emotions to get to peace
The importance of remembering the good
Not being addicted to suffering
The habit of looking for what’s wrong
What’s the moment like if there is no problem
How we tend to always anticipate a problem
How we are almost always lost in thought
Practicing coming into our senses
Self-compassion as the most important quality on the spiritual path
Only being taught one type of meditation
Trying different types of meditation until we find the one that works best for us
The quality that helps people progress on the path of meditation: intention
How to deal with numbness
Tara’s tips on dealing with depression
How depression hates a moving target
That depression is not our fault
Finding refuge in difficult times
Instead of asking “What’s the Meaning” asking “What matters to me here”

Tara Brach Links

Dorothy Hunt on The Heart of Awareness

October 2, 2018 By Eric Zimmer Leave a Comment

Dorothy Hunt serves as the spiritual director of the Moon Mountain Sangha, teaching the spiritual lineage of Adyshanti. She is also the founder of the San Francisco Center for Meditation and Psychotherapy where she has practiced since 1967. She has several published works, the most recent being her book, Ending the Search: From Spiritual Ambition to the Heart of Awareness. We think you’ll find her teachings profound, liberating and refreshing. In this episode, she and Eric discuss what it means and looks like to awaken to our true reality. She dropped some truth bombs on us and if you listen to the conversation, we think they’ll land on you as well.

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In This Interview, Dorothy Hunt and I Discuss…

Her book, Ending the Search: From Spiritual Ambition to the Heart of Awareness
How we carry the seeds of everything within us – which do we water with our attention?
That everything is an “inside job”
Her focus of awakening to our true reality
What spiritual ambition means
The role of self-inquiry in awakening to who/what we really are
A unified reality
Desire, effort, and grace
Intensity taking the place for ambition
Staying put in the not knowing
Staying put in the silence
Expansion and contraction in life
The error of thinking that our spirituality has to look a certain way
Alternatives to silence as your soul food
Asking ourselves the question: What is the deepest desire of my heart?
Asking the follow-up question: And what will that bring? to get to the deepest desire
Following your own inner teacher, your inner guidance
That happiness is temporarily stopping wanting to be somewhere else
That Adyashanti gave her nothing
The sword that cuts through illusion
When truth is moving it’s not asking permission
When we want the truth more than we want life to look a certain way we find it

Dorothy Hunt Links

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Julie Simon on Emotional Eating

September 18, 2018 By Eric Zimmer 3 Comments

Julie Simon is a licensed psychotherapist, life coach and certified personal trainer with over 30 years of experience in helping overeaters and imbalanced eaters mend their relationship with their feelings and ultimately themselves. She’s also the founder of the popular Los Angels based 12-week emotional eating recovery program. She’s the author of the book When Food is Comfort: Nurture Yourself Mindfully, Rewire Your Brain and End Emotional Eating. In this interview, Julie teaches what’s at the root of emotional eating and the specific steps you can take to build the skills you need to regulate your emotions.

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In This Interview, Julie Simon and I Discuss…

Her book, When Food is Comfort: Nurture Yourself Mindfully, Rewire Your Brain and End Emotional Eating
That the most common cause of emotional overeating is difficulty regulating our emotions, moods, thoughts, and behaviors
Disconnecting from our emotions being at the root of emotional overeating
Relating to our feelings
Early interactions with our caregivers
Regulating Our Emotions = Our ability to manage our emotions and moods (and regulate our nervous system) so we can control or redirect impulses in our behaviors, thinking before we act
Attunement and Attachment
Self-medicating
Resourcefulness in regulating our brain chemistry
Missing self-care skills
Being stuck in an earlier phase of development
Inner indulging voice
The 7 skills involved in inner nurturing
Exploring our emotions and bodily sensations
Our tendency to move away from unpleasant emotions by focusing on our thoughts
Emotion presents in the body first (before we have words for them)
Real recovery is experiencing and moving through emotions
Soothing behaviors to restore ourselves to calm:
- Noticing breath
- Tense and relax parts of the body
- Getting in comfortable clothes
- Listening to soothing music
- Soothing gestures
- Laying down in the fetal position
The goal is not to distract yourself
The goal is to calm down enough to pop the hood
Telling ourselves that it’s ok to feel the way we feel
Validating the feeling not the behavior
Having compassion for oneself

Julie Simon Links

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Brandi Lust on Growth via the Present Moment

September 4, 2018 By Eric Zimmer Leave a Comment

Brandi Lust is the founder of Learning Lab Consulting which is focused on mindful, creative growth both at the individual level as well as at the large group and corporate level. In this episode, she and Eric discuss her book, Myths of Being Human: Four Paths to Connecting to What Matters. In their conversation, they cover important and very real topics such as how to grow through suffering, being alive and present in the moment and operating from a state of flow. You may be familiar with these topics on some level, but regardless of your starting point, you’ll dive deeper into them through listening to this episode.

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In This Interview, Brandi Lust and I Discuss…

Her book, Myths of Being Human: Four Paths to Connecting to What Matters
Four myths we have as people
We are not rational creatures, we are emotional creatures
The way we interact with the moment
How if your metric is external, it’s never enough
The tools she uses to operate from a state of flow
How suffering has an important place on the spiritual path
That we hold past trauma in our bodies
Emotional Residue
Feeling it all in the moment so you don’t have to carry it around with you
That pain in life isn’t personal – it’s a natural part of the human experience
Post Traumatic Growth
Making meaning from our difficult experiences
Having a belief system of something larger than yourself
Can we grow without suffering?
Experiencing awe in the moment
Secondary Post Traumatic Growth through empathy and understanding
Psychological safety
Self-transcendence

Brandi Lust Links

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Mark Epstein on the Intersection of Buddhism and Psychology

May 1, 2018 By Eric Zimmer Leave a Comment

Mark Epstein is a psychiatrist in private practice in NYC and the author of many books about the intersection of Buddhism and psychotherapy. He’s currently the clinical assistant professor in the postdoctoral program in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis at New York University. His most recent book, Advice Not Given; A Guide to Getting Over Yourself is what he talks about in this episode. His wisdom is so incredibly practical, applicable, and helpful. Ideas like whether or not naming your feelings would be a helpful strategy for you and how to work with clinging in its many forms – even the clinging to inner peace – abound in this discussion. Take a listen and enrich your inner life.

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In This Interview, Mark Epstein and I Discuss…

The Wolf Parable
His book, Advice Not Given; A Guide to Getting Over Yourself
The duality that we all struggle with
Freud and the Buddha’s nearly identical conclusion
What it means to take personal responsibility for our selfish concerns
The clinging to that which gives us a sense of control over life
The clinging to that which nurtures our ego
The eightfold path of the Buddha
The conversation with his terminally ill father that inspired this book
Right View – being realistic about one’s self and the nature of things
How change and death is happening all of the time, moment to moment
Trying not to try as it relates to meditation
“Take the backward step” in meditation
FInding balance in “right effort”
Exploring the feelings that we are otherwise afraid of through psychotherapy
The link between being with uncomfortable feelings and empathy to others
How anything that’s happening in the body or mind can be the object of meditation
How useful it is to name a feeling
Making a feeling “intelligible” by naming it
How useful it can be to find where feelings show up in the body
When your mind is not aware of what’s making you act this way (in addiction, compulsive behaviors etc) it’s important to put the words on the feelings
Whether or not all emotions show up in the body
How clinging takes many forms – even the desire for inner peace
“Don’t chase her, let her find you.”
That our lives are made dull by our efforts to over control things

Mark Epstein Links

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A grandfather is talking with his grandson and he says there are two wolves inside of us which are always at war with each other.

One of them is a good wolf which represents things like kindness, bravery and love. The other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed, hatred and fear.

The grandson stops and thinks about it for a second then he looks up at his grandfather and says, “Grandfather, which one wins?”

The grandfather quietly replies, the one you feed

The Tale of Two Wolves is often attributed to the Cherokee indians but there seems to be no real proof of this. It has also been attributed to evangelical preacher Billy Graham and Irish Playwright George Bernard Shaw. It appears no one knows for sure but this does not diminish the power of the parable.

This parable goes by many names including:

The Tale of Two Wolves

The Parable of the Two Wolves

Two Wolves

Which Wolf Do You Feed

Which Wolf are You Feeding

Which Wolf Will You Feed

It also often features different animals, mainly two dogs

223: Rick Hanson #2

March 27, 2018 By Eric Zimmer Leave a Comment

Rick Hanson, PhD is a Neuropsychologist, teacher and author of many books. He is the founder of the Wellspring Center for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom and an affiliate of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkley. This is the 2nd time Dr. Hanson has been a guest on the show and we invited him back because of how great his work really is. In this episode, he talks all about the fact that who we become is a result of what we grow inside of ourselves. Using the analogy of tending a garden, he teaches us very practical ways to grow and enrich ourselves through the experiences in our lives. Get a pen and paper – you’ll probably want to take notes on this one!

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In This Interview, Rick Hanson and I Discuss…

The Wolf Parable
His book, Resilient: How to grow an unshakable core of calm, strength, and happiness
Who we become is a result of what we grow inside ourselves
How you manage your challenges, protect your vulnerabilities, Increase your resources: out in the world, in the body, and in the mind
Growing resources in our mind is a good focus
Converting an experience into lasting change
Slowing down content delivery so that the nervous system in our brains has a chance to receive it and rewire accordingly
5 ways to enrich a beneficial experience:
Extend the experience (make it longer)
Intensify the experience (really lean into it)
Embody the experience (how does it feel in your body and your mind)
Freshen the experience (see what’s novel about it? Bring a beginners mind)
Value the experience (see the relevance to you)
Asking what is the challenge? What resource would be the most beneficial?
The mind is like a garden – to grow things, focus on:
Mindful witnessing
Mindful releasing of what’s negative
Mindful receiving (replace what we release or simply receive what would be beneficial)
Fighting what’s negative only makes it work
Growing a fundamental core of resilient wellbeing
Safety, Satisfaction, and Connection are basic needs we have
How it takes time to tend a garden
How adversity isn’t the only way to grow in life
We have to experience what we want to grow inside
We have to turn that experience into some kind of lasting change in the brain

Rick Hanson Links

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A grandfather is talking with his grandson and he says there are two wolves inside of us which are always at war with each other.

One of them is a good wolf which represents things like kindness, bravery and love. The other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed, hatred and fear.

The grandson stops and thinks about it for a second then he looks up at his grandfather and says, “Grandfather, which one wins?”

The grandfather quietly replies, the one you feed

This parable goes by many names including:

The Tale of Two Wolves

The Parable of the Two Wolves

Two Wolves

Which Wolf Do You Feed

Which Wolf are You Feeding

Which Wolf Will You Feed

It also often features different animals, mainly two dogs

222: Jeff Warren

March 20, 2018 By Eric Zimmer 1 Comment

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Jeff Warren is a former journalist and more recently is a researcher, writer, and teacher of meditation and personal growth practices. His most recent book, written with Dan Harris, is called, Meditation for Fidgitty Skeptics: A 10% Happier How to Book. Jeff is a likable, relatable guy who carries a lot of practical wisdom in his conversational style of communicating. If you’ve ever felt like you’re not good at meditating or that meditation just isn’t for you because your brain never turns off, this interview is for you because that’s how Jeff would describe himself, particularly at the beginning of his practice years ago. We all know that meditation is good for us but for many, it just feels inaccessible and out of reach. If that is how you feel, what Jeff has to share in this interview will make that gap shrink in size so much so that you can hop right over it and try again.

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In This Interview, Jeff Warren and I Discuss…

The Wolf Parable
His book with Dan Harris, Meditation for Fidgitty Skeptics: A 10% Happier How to Book
The role of meditation in living with depression
The voice in our heads
Not identifying with the voices in our heads
Coming out of the conversation in our heads
The idea of “I can’t meditate”
Thinking we’re supposed to stop thinking when we meditate
Changing the relationship with your thoughts
Focusing on an anchor, getting lost in thought, realizing you’re lost in thought and coming back to your anchor = mediation
How quick we are to conclude that meditation isn’t for us
That meditation is a practice
Celebrating the coming back from thought in meditation
Training affability during meditation
Finding enjoyment and curiosity during meditation
Asking “What’s the attitude in my mind right now?” during meditation
That attitude is what you’re training during meditation
Looking at the world with interest
Equanimity = a lack of pushing and pulling on experience
Opening to experience so that there’s no friction
When everything has permission to express its self fully

Jeff Warren Links