The One You Feed

Practical Wisdom for a Better Life

mindfulness

Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D-Mindfulness and Depression

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Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. is the co-founder of the Center for Mindful Living in West Los Angeles and is the creator of the 6-month Coaching and Mentorship Program: A Course in Mindful Living. He’s a psychologist and international speaker and mindfulness educator. He’s written many books and in this episode, he and Eric discuss his book, Uncovering Happiness: Overcoming Depression with Mindfulness and Self Compassion. There are so many practical approaches and new perspectives in this episode. We think you’ll get a lot of useful information out of the conversation.

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In This Interview, Elisha Goldstein and I Discuss…

  • His book, Uncovering Happiness: Overcoming Depression with Mindfulness and Self Compassion
  • That what you practice and repeat is what you get
  • Depression Triggers and Depression Cures
  • Thoughts, Emotions, Sensations, and Behaviors
  • The triangle of awareness
  • Procedural memory
  • The habit loop being like a traffic circle with 4 entry points
  • The way our brain associates things
  • The way our nervous system is overwhelmed when we’re experiencing depression
  • Avoidance and depression
  • How naming something gives us a little space and perspective
  • How naming something actually changes the activity in our brain
  • Perspective-making tools
  • The way journaling objectifies your experiences
  • Natural anti-depressants
  • Mindfulness: a state of engaged curiosity
  • Relating to your experience differently through mindfulness, self-compassion, play, compassion, purpose, and mastery
  • The growth mindset in contrast to the fixed mindset
  • Practicing being curious in your daily life to cultivate a growth mindset
  • How a learning mindset is related to a growth mindset
  • The importance of play as well as how to discover what kind of play you might enjoy as an adult

Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. Links:

Mindful Living Collective

elishagoldstein.com

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Ralph De La Rosa on the Mind as Your Teacher

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Ralph De La Rosa is a psychotherapist in private practice in NYC. He specializes in helping people resolve their childhood traumas, anxiety, depression and intimacy issues. You might have seen his work in places like CNN, GQ, Self, or Women’s Health. His new book is called The Monkey is the Messenger and it is an instructional and revolutionary look at what it means to attend and befriend ones self. In this interview, he shares some of the key practices that are most helpful along this journey. 

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 In This Interview, Ralph De La Rosa and I Discuss…

  • His book, The Monkey is the Messenger
  • The truest sentence he knows – there’s always more to the story
  • The monkey – what it is and why it’s on our side
  • The monkey mind as our teacher
  • The monkey mind drives us towards meditation and away from meditation
  • Our triggers are on the surface and they are connected to something deeper within us that’s unhealed. We can absolutely get to that root through mindfulness and meditation.
  • The value of showing up for a daily practice
  • Drawing the attention out of our head and into our body gets our brain activated in the right hemisphere
  • The right hemisphere – nonlinguistic, free of chatter
  • Emotions are held in the body
  • The unconscious mind is accessed in the body because emotions show up in our body
  • Radical Nonpathology
  • Love, gratification and safety are at the root
  • How can I be happy? How can I avoid suffering?
  • What looks pathological are our misguided attempts to meet these root needs and drivers
  • Holding our emotions like children
  • Using circumstances to heal rather than being retraumatized through emotional warmth
  • That difficult emotions are messengers to us
  • Abandoning or ignoring any part of ourselves is equivalent to enacting aggression towards ourselves. 
  • How Vinny Ferraro says you can’t hate your way into enlightenment
  • The inner critic
  • Emotions always follow a logic

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Ruth King on Healing Racism

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Ruth King is an emotional wisdom author, coach, and consultant. She’s a guiding teacher at Insight Meditation Community of Washington and she’s on the teacher’s council at Spirit Rock Meditation Center. In addition, she’s the founder of Mindful Members Insight Meditation Community in Charlotte, NC. She has a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology and is the author of several publications including her new book, Mindful of Race: Transforming Racism from the Inside Out. In this stirring, thoughtful and wise conversation, she touches on the heart of racism and teaches how we can move to heal this heart disease.

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 In This Interview, Ruth King and I Discuss…

  • The value of being curious about the good and bad wolves inside of us
  • Racism being a heart disease that is curable
  • Her open heart surgery at the age of 27
  • Rage being an exit route
  • Rage being energy moving through the body
  • Habitual patterns of racism being a layer on top of the real issue that we can’t tolerate – they are defense mechanisms
  • Racial affinity groups
  • 6 hindrances
  • The structure of racism
  • Racism vs Prejudice
  • Racist vs Racism
  • Understanding our own experience with racism and talking about it
  • What it’s like to be “membered”
  • Individual vs group identity
  • Diversity within the body of color

Ruth King Links

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Re-Release: Tara Brach

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This week we talk to Tara Brach

Tara Brach is an American psychologist and proponent of Buddhist meditation. She is a guiding teacher and founder of the Insight Meditation Community of Washington, D.C  Brach also teaches Buddhist meditation at centers for meditation and yoga in the United States and Europe including Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, California, the Kripalu Center,and the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies.

Brach is an engaged Buddhist specializing in the application of Buddhist teachings to emotional healing. Her 2003 book, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha, focuses on the use of practices such as mindfulness for healing trauma. Her 2013 book, True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart, offers practices for tapping into inner peace and wisdom in the midst of difficulty.

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 In This Interview, Tara Brach and I Discuss…

  • The One You Feed parable
  • Being kind to the parts of ourselves that are more primitive
  • The difference between feelings and thoughts
  • Dropping the storyline
  • The question of “What am I unwilling to feel?”
  • How we have to go through the difficult emotions to get to peace
  • The importance of remembering the good
  • Not being addicted to suffering
  • The habit of looking for what’s wrong
  • What’s the moment like if there is no problem
  • How we tend to always anticipate a problem 
  • How we are almost always lost in thought
  • Practicing coming into our senses
  • Self-compassion as the most important quality on the spiritual path
  • Only being taught one type of meditation
  • Trying different types of meditation until we find the one that works best for us
  • The quality that helps people progress on the path of meditation: intention
  • How to deal with numbness
  • Tara’s tips on dealing with depression
  • How depression hates a moving target
  • That depression is not our fault
  • Finding refuge in difficult times
  • Instead of asking “What’s the Meaning” asking “What matters to me here”

Tara Brach Links

Dorothy Hunt on The Heart of Awareness

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Dorothy Hunt serves as the spiritual director of the Moon Mountain Sangha, teaching the spiritual lineage of Adyshanti. She is also the founder of the San Francisco Center for Meditation and Psychotherapy where she has practiced since 1967. She has several published works, the most recent being her book, Ending the Search: From Spiritual Ambition to the Heart of Awareness. We think you’ll find her teachings profound, liberating and refreshing. In this episode, she and Eric discuss what it means and looks like to awaken to our true reality. She dropped some truth bombs on us and if you listen to the conversation, we think they’ll land on you as well.

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 In This Interview, Dorothy Hunt and I Discuss…
  • How we carry the seeds of everything within us – which do we water with our attention?
  • That everything is an “inside job”
  • Her focus of awakening to our true reality
  • What spiritual ambition means
  • The role of self-inquiry in awakening to who/what we really are
  • A unified reality
  • Desire, effort, and grace
  • Intensity taking the place for ambition
  • Staying put in the not knowing
  • Staying put in the silence
  • Expansion and contraction in life
  • The error of thinking that our spirituality has to look a certain way
  • Alternatives to silence as your soul food
  • Asking ourselves the question: What is the deepest desire of my heart?
  • Asking the follow-up question: And what will that bring? to get to the deepest desire
  • Following your own inner teacher, your inner guidance
  • That happiness is temporarily stopping wanting to be somewhere else
  • That Adyashanti gave her nothing
  • The sword that cuts through illusion
  • When truth is moving it’s not asking permission
  • When we want the truth more than we want life to look a certain way we find it

Dorothy Hunt Links

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Julie Simon on Emotional Eating

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Julie Simon is a licensed psychotherapist, life coach and certified personal trainer with over 30 years of experience in helping overeaters and imbalanced eaters mend their relationship with their feelings and ultimately themselves. She’s also the founder of the popular Los Angels based 12-week emotional eating recovery program. She’s the author of the book When Food is Comfort: Nurture Yourself Mindfully, Rewire Your Brain and End Emotional Eating. In this interview, Julie teaches what’s at the root of emotional eating and the specific steps you can take to build the skills you need to regulate your emotions.

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 In This Interview, Julie Simon and I Discuss…

  • That the most common cause of emotional overeating is difficulty regulating our emotions, moods, thoughts, and behaviors
  • Disconnecting from our emotions being at the root of emotional overeating
  • Relating to our feelings
  • Early interactions with our caregivers
  • Regulating Our Emotions = Our ability to manage our emotions and moods (and regulate our nervous system) so we can control or redirect impulses in our behaviors, thinking before we act
  • Attunement and Attachment
  • Self-medicating
  • Resourcefulness in regulating our brain chemistry
  • Missing self-care skills
  • Being stuck in an earlier phase of development
  • Inner indulging voice
  • The 7 skills involved in inner nurturing
  • Exploring our emotions and bodily sensations
  • Our tendency to move away from unpleasant emotions by focusing on our thoughts
  • Emotion presents in the body first (before we have words for them)
  • Real recovery is experiencing and moving through emotions
  • Soothing behaviors to restore ourselves to calm:
    • Noticing breath
    • Tense and relax parts of the body
    • Getting in comfortable clothes
    • Listening to soothing music
    • Soothing gestures
    • Laying down in the fetal position
  • The goal is not to distract yourself
  • The goal is to calm down enough to pop the hood
  • Telling ourselves that it’s ok to feel the way we feel
  • Validating the feeling not the behavior
  • Having compassion for oneself

Julie Simon Links

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