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There’s a question I’ve been asking lately – I wonder how you would answer it?

I’ve been asking it informally and periodically to others in conversation, and it’s something I’ve been reflecting on myself.

The question is: How do you define the word “spiritual”?

At first glance, the answer might seem obvious, or one might wonder why answering it is important.

But, if you spend another minute with the inquiry, what do you discover?

You might discover that there are as many answers to this question as there are people in the world. You might discover that your first response isn’t your final response – it can be a thought-provoking question. You could discover that your definition is a fluid one, changing as you change.

You might also discover that if we don’t have a clear definition for the word “spiritual”, how can we really identify it’s presence (or lack thereof) in our lives? Also, how can we intentionally cultivate it to have more of it or put it into practice so that it’s brought to life through our actions and we thereby experience the much talked about deep gifts of spirituality?

I asked my partner, Ginny, this question. After some reflection, she gave this answer:

“That which simultaneously draws me deeper into myself while also connecting me with that which is expansive and greater than myself.”

I spoke with one of our long time patrons of The One You Feed recently, and he said that he heard the spiritual teacher, Jonathan Foust, define spirituality as this:

“Keen insight into the nature of reality.”

My definition actually is a bit of a combination of Ginny’s and Jonathan’s:

A way of being and seeing that connects me more deeply to life itself and all of its forms.

What is your definition of the word? 

Regardless of how you define it, I bet we’d agree that it’s something we could use more of in our lives.

And, I bet we’d also agree that spirituality which is not practiced and lived out is not very valuable.

That idea is at the root of the Spiritual Habits Program.

When I work 1-on-1 with people, we dive into 6 core principles that nourish our spirituality, and our focus is on applying these principles to the moments of our daily lives by practicing certain Spiritual Habits.

This program combines the science of behavior change with the wisdom of spiritual principles so that the idea of spirituality transforms into practical, actionable, and transformational daily habits.

If you’re interested in learning more about The Spiritual Habits Program, click here.

If you know a bit about the program and would like to book a free, 30 minute (absolutely no pressure) exploratory call with me to see how Spiritual Habits might apply to your life, click here.

I hope I get to talk with you soon,

Eric

“Now is the time we’ve been practicing for.”

That’s what my Zen teacher reminded our sangha of recently.

In an email, he shared these words written in 2016 by Zenju Earthlyn Manuel of the Still Breathing Zen Meditation Center:

“Now is the time we have been practicing for.

Many of us have been practicing Buddha’s teachings or walking a spiritual journey forever and preparing for every moment of our existence. We are ready and have been waiting for this time. Our rage, pain, and anger are to be exposed if only for us to transform and mature with it. In Buddhist practice, we say congratulations because now is the time we have been practicing for. No more just practicing the dance. We must now dance. And this is not a dress rehearsal.”

These words are not limited to the Buddhist tradition; rather, they apply to whatever spiritual practice you have.

We live in difficult times in which we are faced with a global pandemic, climate change, natural disasters, political and racial divides – I could certainly go on and on listing the challenging circumstances that we are collectively facing.

We also face individual difficulties of illness, financial struggle and other problems that weigh on us and make life very hard.

One of the most powerful resources for strength, comfort, resilience, hope and growth amidst any difficulty is to have a spiritual practice.

When we engage with our spiritual practice we build the muscles that will sustain and support us during hard times. During life’s storms, our spiritual practice reconnects us with that which is unchanging, steady and restorative. A spiritual practice helps us take on a greater perspective and it offers us comfort, strength and meaning no matter the hardship.

One way to breathe life into your spiritual practice is to put some Spiritual Habits in place so that you are taking action on the things that you value, practicing them throughout your day so that they come to life in you and you experience their gifts in real-time when you need them most.

Do you feel like your spiritual practice could use some Spiritual Habits to make it more accessible and tangible to you during the difficulties you’re facing? As the name implies, a spiritual practice should be something you take action on, not just a set of ideas to reflect on. It’s through our actions that we embody the gifts of spiritual ideals.

That’s exactly what I teach in the 1-on-1 Spiritual Habits Program.

If you would like to learn more about this program, including a Spiritual Habit that I teach as part of it, click here.

If you already know about the program and would like to book a free (no pressure to sign up) 30-minute call with me to see if the program is a fit for you, click here.

Here are three things we know for sure:

1. Life is difficult.

2. We don’t have to face these difficulties alone.

3. There are things that we can do to prepare ourselves for and sustain ourselves during difficult times.

I hope to talk with you soon,

Eric

Sometimes making changes to our life can feel overwhelming.

When we begin with the end in mind, it can seem far off and unattainable.

But what I know from making big changes in my own life and working with hundreds of coaching clients over the years to do the same is that big changes often happen through a series of smaller changes.

There are also smaller changes that we can make which have a disproportionately big impact on our quality of life.

To that end, there’s a really simple approach I call “less of this, more of that”. I use it myself and I teach it to the clients I work with. It’s rooted in the work of Robbie Vorhaus.

Robbie Vorhaus was a guest on the show back in 2016 and we talked about his book, One Less, One More: Follow Your Heart. Be Happy. Change Slowly. Essentially, Robbie says that when we try and take on too much change all at once, we very often can’t sustain it over time. Instead, he advocates for adding one more good thing to your life and doing one less negative thing each day.

That’s essentially what I suggest doing, too.

Can you spend 30 minutes less on mindless social media scrolling a day and, in its place, spend 30 minutes reading a book that will help you move in the direction you want to go? What about shaving 30 minutes off of watching TV and instead, take a 30-minute walk around the neighborhood? If you don’t want to have a snack right after work, can you FaceTime a friend instead?

If we put some thought to smaller changes that we can make and sustain, we can feel their impact right away, and then momentum very often helps carry us even further into the positive direction we want to go. The trick is to just get started and don’t make it so big that it’s really hard to sustain.

Are there changes you want to make in your life but have struggled to get any real traction with them? Click here to learn about working with me 1-on-1 in The One You Feed Personal Transformation Program.

If you already know about the program and would like to book a free (no pressure to sign up) 30-minute coaching call with me to see if the program is a fit for you, click here.

Don’t underestimate the impact and momentum that can come from doing less of one thing and more of another. What might this look like applied to your life?

Wishing you well, 

Eric

If 2020 has felt like an unusually difficult year, then read on – this post is for you.

I’ve been hearing from more and more people lately who are struggling with symptoms of depression and low mood.

Depression and I have been traveling down this road of life together for over 30 years.

Sometimes depression is way down the road somewhere – so far away that I can barely make out its silhouette. Sometimes it has shackled itself to me and I feel like I’m walking on a road made of quicksand.

So after decades of experience, I’ve gotten pretty good at working with depression so that when it draws near, I don’t get derailed anymore like I used to.

Whether it’s just a crappy, low mood or a full-blown depressive episode, there are three things I always do to support my wellbeing to get me through these tough times:

1. Decide in advance, execute during

As a behavior coach, the principle of separating decision from action is one that I refer to often with my clients. It’s a foundational approach to positive behavior change and it’s a big one when it comes to getting through depression.

Because on days when you’re feeling low, you most likely won’t be able to think of much that you feel like doing and your depressive mindset will skew your perspective on what might be a good way to spend your time.

So, take the “decision” part off your plate by putting those pieces in place on days when you aren’t struggling with your mood. That way, all you need to focus on is doing those things when you feel low. You know you won’t feel like it, but that’s ok. You can still do them and it’s important to because they go a long way towards supporting your wellbeing.

Essentially, when you aren’t feeling low, work to establish a healthy daily routine that includes things like mediation, exercise, healthy eating, and connecting with others. Following along with that rhythm and structure will support you on days when you don’t feel well emotionally and mentally.

Bonus tip: Music has always had a powerful impact on how I feel so I have a playlist already created of songs that make me feel good. Listening to that playlist almost never sounds like a good idea when I’m feeling depressed, but doing so almost always causes me to feel lighter and better.

2. Keep moving forward (even if it’s a bit slower than normal)

I first heard the phrase, “Depression hates a moving target” many years ago in recovery and it hit the nail on the head for me. Forward, positive action moves energy through us, changing our biochemistry and impacting our state of mind.

When you’re feeling low, go through the motions, even if you’re just not feeling it. You’ve probably heard me say on the show that often we can’t think our way into right action – we have to act our way into right thinking. There is a lot of research to support the fact that if the body leads, the mind will follow.

So, on days when depression looms, find ways to take positive action. When you feel like doing nothing, do something – reach out to a friend or go for a walk around the block. Take action and momentum will kick in to help you.

3. Connect to a broader perspective

Depression tells me that I’ll always feel this way. So when I get that message, I consciously remember that I won’t always feel this way and it will pass. Everything is in a constant state of change and I remind myself of that fact during these times. I even go so far as to think of my depressive episodes as having a bout of the “emotional flu”. There’s no need for an existential crisis, I’m feeling lousy now but it will pass.

Also, I remember that I am not alone in feeling lousy. In Buddhism, The First Noble Truth says that in life there is suffering. It’s unavoidable and part of the human experience. When I remember that what I’m experiencing is not just MY pain, rather it’s THE pain of life, I feel less alone and am comforted by this connection of a shared human experience.

Most importantly though, after I have done what I can to make things better, I focus on just allowing my depression to be there, accepting it for what it is. The more I fight it, the worse it gets. So, I ask myself, “Can I allow this to be exactly as it is?” and then I try and relax into a state of not resisting the fact that I am feeling depressed. I’ve found that I suffer more when I am fighting the reality of things.

As I mentioned at the beginning, I work as a behavior coach which means when I work with clients, our focus is on modifying their behavior so that they can make real progress in their life where they’ve otherwise been stuck or struggling. Very often we can pull the lever of behavior change to impact our emotional and mental well being.*

To learn more about working with me in The One You Feed Personal Transformation Program, click here.

If you’d like to book a free, (absolutely no pressure to sign up) 30-minute coaching session with me to see if the program might be a fit for you, click here.

All in all, remember this: You are resilient, capable and hard times will pass. They always do.

Wishing you well,

Eric

Has this ever happened to you?

You start off the week really motivated and determined to exercise every day. This time, it’s for real – you’re not messing around.

The first half of the week goes great – you workout Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Bam.

The second half of the week, it’s not so great – you only workout on Friday. What happened?

There could be a lot of factors, but essentially, they’re all going to fall into one of two buckets.

Let me explain.

When it comes to behavior change, I look at two main components: The tactical and the emotional.

The tactical component is made up of all of the variables that contribute to “good behavioral hygiene” – getting really specific about what you’ll do and when, starting small, upskilling when needed, having a plan for when you miss a day, and so on. (If you want to dive deeper on this topic, I go into detail about the tactical component in this video.)

The emotional component is rooted in a concept called emotional regulation. Essentially, this refers to a person’s ability to feel difficult emotions and still act according to their values. (Again, if you want to dive deeper on this topic, I wrote all about it in this blog post.)

When a desired behavior doesn’t happen, the reason why – along with the remedy – can usually be found by examining these two components.

So, for example, let’s say you want to start spending time writing every day. You create a solid tactical plan: You’ll spend 10 minutes doing “stream of consciousness” writing on your laptop at the kitchen table as you have your 2nd cup of coffee each morning this week.

But, despite this great plan which checks all of the boxes of good behavioral design, you only end up writing two out of the next five days. Why? As it turns out, on the days you didn’t write, your mood was low and you felt really uninspired.

Ah ha. Now we know the component to spend time strengthening: Your ability to act according to your plan despite difficult emotional weather. This is a learned skill and something we can develop.

So, when you find yourself wanting to do something but not following through, try diagnosing the problem through these two lenses.

If you’d like some help, check out The One You Feed Personal Transformation Program in which I work 1-on-1 with people to help them accomplish their goals and make lasting change in their lives.

If the program seems like it might be fit for you, I offer a free 30-minute Personal Transformation Coaching Session.

On this call, you will tell me about the changes you’re looking to make and I will offer you my thoughts on how you might go about doing this. If we’re a match to work together, that will be clear and I never pressure people on these calls. If the program is not right for you, we part as friends and you will have my ideas to consider as you move forward towards your goals.

You can book your call by clicking here.

Creating good habits and changing your behavior is something that we actually know a lot about how to do successfully. If you’ve struggled to make changes in your life, it’s not a character defect on your part. It’s just that you need to get some support and learn some skills that will help you to do the things you know you want to do.

Don’t stay stuck when you could be moving forward in the direction of the life you want to live.

Until next time,

Eric

The Most Important Component of Behavior Change (And it’s Not What You Might Think)

I wonder if you can relate:

If I didn’t have an alarm set for 9am every day, I would forget to take my vitamins at least 50% of the time.

I want to take my vitamins (it’s not a motivation issue) and it’s not a hard thing to do (it’s not an ability issue). But without this daily prompt, I would forget and this behavior just wouldn’t happen much of the time.

A mundane example, perhaps, but it’s a good one for illustrating how to go about determining why a behavior isn’t happening and subsequently setting the stage for it to happen.

Stick with me here – I’ll explain. And what I’m about to share with you will take you far when it comes to making habits stick (for yourself and others) as well as saving yourself a lot of frustration, drama, and grief when habits aren’t happening and you’re trying to figure out why and how to fix it.

Renowned behavior scientist, BJ Fogg, (a two time guest of the podcast – you can listen to his first episode here and his second one here) came up with a simple but incredibly effective and powerful formula that illustrates what it takes for any behavior to happen:

B=MAP

To explain, BJ Fogg says, “A behavior happens when the elements of MAP (motivation — your desire to do the behavior; ability — your capacity to do the behavior/how difficult it is to do; and prompt — a cue to do the behavior) come together at the same moment.”

When a desired behavior isn’t happening, we can use the Fogg Behavior Model to troubleshoot why. But not in the way you might expect.

We tend to – mistakenly – start with evaluating a person’s motivation. BJ Fogg says that instead, we should work this equation backward. We should start by determining whether or not the person had a prompt, then look at ability, and only after that do we look at motivation as a factor.

Here’s how he explains it in his book, Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything:

“No behavior happens without a prompt. If you don’t have a prompt, your levels of motivation and ability don’t matter. Either you’re prompted to act or you’re not. No prompt, no behavior. Simple yet powerful…If you don’t hear the phone ring, you don’t answer it.”

“To do an expert job of troubleshooting a behavior for yourself or others, start with the prompt. Is the person being prompted to do the behavior?…If that doesn’t work, then you move to the next step. See if people have the ability to do the behavior….Notice that fussing around with motivation is the last step in the troubleshooting order. This process of troubleshooting can save you some grief….In many cases, you’ll find your lack of doing a behavior is not a motivation issue at all. You can solve for the behavior by finding a good prompt or by making the behavior easier to do.”

As it turns out, motivation is the most unreliable and also the most complex. It waxes and wanes. It’s here one minute and gone the next. And it is connected to multiple factors such as what you want in the moment, rewards or detractors that are in place, and the overall context in which you and the behavior exist.

So, it makes sense – and his research supports – that we will be the most effective at getting to the root of the problem via the shortest path of least resistance: Start by asking the question “was there a prompt to remind the person to do the behavior?”. Then, look at ability and determine if it was too difficult to do. The last step is to examine a person’s level of motivation.

BJ Fogg says, “When you apply this troubleshooting method to your own behavior, you’ll find that it stops you from blaming yourself.”

And this is an important point. When we blame ourselves our inner critic is often at work. And even though it might have good intentions for us – like trying to get us to perform better – we know that when this inner critic shows up, we do NOT perform at our best.

Back to my example of taking my vitamins. On the days I don’t take them it seems harsh to assume I just didn’t want to or I was too lazy to swallow them or I defiantly said, “No way am I taking those vitamins!”.

It’s more likely that I just forgot because I didn’t have a prompt to take them. Put in an effective prompt and problem solved. It’s often that simple. And it turns out with many behaviors, that is the case.

This is also helpful when it comes to diagnosing what’s getting in the way of other people’s behavior.

Like, if your husband doesn’t take out the trash on Thursday nights so that the garbage collector will pick it up on Friday mornings, instead of jumping to the conclusion that “He didn’t do it because he doesn’t care about our family!” maybe start with putting a post-it note on the garbage can lid as a reminder that day. The same applies to your kids: If they don’t make their bed, instead of thinking, “They don’t respect what I tell them to do!”, make it part of their morning routine – after getting dressed and before coming down for breakfast.

Troubleshooting in this order can save us a lot of heartache and miscommunication.

Working the Fogg Behavior Model backward to troubleshoot for why a habit or behavior isn’t happening is something I often talk through with my private coaching clients.

We start the conversation by asking, “Did you have something to prompt you at the time you wanted the behavior to happen?”. If so, next we move on to ability and try to determine what might be making this hard to do. If it was a very easy behavior and it still didn’t happen, then we look at motivation.

There are lots of different kinds of prompts you can put in place. Here are a few examples:

1. Time-based prompt (I’ll do ____ at 3 pm.)
2. Location-based prompt (Every time I come to a red light, I’ll….)
3. A preceding event as a prompt (After I take the dogs out in the morning, I’ll….)
4. Emotional based prompt (When I feel ____, I’ll….)
5. Other people as a prompt (When I see my friend, I’ll….)
6. Technology as a prompt (Set a reminder on your phone.)

If you have a goal but your behavior is sabotaging your progress, it’s really helpful to have someone help you to diagnose what’s going on, customize a path forward, and support you along the way.

That is precisely what I do when I work 1-on-1 with clients in The One You Feed Personal Transformation Program.

Through weekly calls and daily email communication, I teach my clients how to apply the science of behavior change to help them achieve their specific goals based on their unique life circumstances, ensuring their long term success.

To learn more about the program, click here.

To find out if the program is a fit for you, I offer a free 30-minute Personal Transformation Coaching Session. You can book your call by clicking here.

On this call, you will tell me about the changes you’re looking to make and I will offer you my thoughts on how you might go about doing this. If we’re a match to work together, that will be clear and I never pressure people on these calls. If the program is not right for you, we part as friends and you will have my ideas to consider as you move forward towards your goals.

One thing I have learned from decades of coaching people is that, with the right approach and support, everyone can make real, meaningful change in their lives. You can grow and make progress and accomplish far more than you ever would have expected.

And this is something I love helping people do.

Here’s to creating a life worth living, 

Eric