The One You Feed

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Hilary Jacobs Hendel- How To Process Emotions

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Hilary Jacobs Hendel is a psychotherapist who switched from practicing traditional talk psychotherapy to accelerated experientia dynamic psychotherapy. She teaches us that our core emotions are automatic and grounded in universal physical experiences. Her new book is called, It’s Not Always Depression: Working The Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to your Authentic Self. In this episode, she goes into great instructional detail about how to identify and process your emotions in the moment. If you’ve ever felt a strong emotion (and who hasn’t), this episode will teach you how to move through it skillfully, rather than having your strong emotions wreak havoc in yourself and with others. 

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In This Interview, Hilary Jabobs Hendel and I Discuss…

  • Her new book, It’s Not Always Depression: Working The Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to your Authentic Self
  • The 7 C’s of our authentic self
  • The science and biology of emotions
  • The change triangle
  • The Core Emotions: Fear, Anger, Sadness, Disgust, Joy, Excitement and Sexual Excitement
  • The 3 Inhibitory Emotions: Anxiety, Guilt, and Shame
  • How core emotions have energy and want to come up and out- to be expressed
  • Inhibitory emotions dampening our core emotions 
  • The difference between defenses and inhibitory emotions
  • How to work The Change Triangle
  • Trauma vs trauma
  • The power of naming your emotions
  • Our open-hearted state
  • When our emotions overwhelm us, it can be helpful to have someone else process them
  • Grounding and breathing
  • The role of core emotions is to ready us for action so they are first physical sensations, traveling from the brain down the vegus nerve
  • All core emotions have impulses associated with them
  • How harmful self-criticism and self-judgment can be
  • Relating to ourselves as a small child
  • Healthy shame vs toxic shame

Hilary Jacobs Hendel Links

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Susan David, Ph.D. – Emotional Agility

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Susan David is a psychologist on faculty at Harvard Medical School. She’s also the co-founder and co-director of The Institute of Coaching at McLean Hospital and is CEO of Evidence-Based Psychology. Her book is, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life. Have you ever gotten hooked by a difficult emotion? In other words, have you ever felt compelled to act on a strong feeling without having any space to think about your action first? If so, you will find really helpful wisdom in this episode that you can take, apply today and live a more skillful, open-hearted life.

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In This Interview, Susan David and I Discuss…

  • Her book, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life
  • How emotions are a guidance system
  • That emotions can help us adapt and thrive
  • The thinking “unless I’m happy all the time, something is wrong”
  • Emotional Agility
  • Loosening up, calming down and living with more intention
  • The space between stimulus and response
  • Emotional rigidity
  • Allowing the story in our head to drive our actions
  • Being who we most want to be in this world
  • Moving away from the idea of “I have a thought and the thought is fact and I have to act on it”
  • Getting hooked – accepting thought as fact
  • That we are not our emotions – our emotions are a data source
  • The story that imprisons and keeps us from acting in an open-hearted way
  • How to get unhooked
  • Getting curious and compassionate about our emotions when we’re hooked
  • I’m noticing that I’m feeling ____
  • Creating a safe psychological space for ourselves
  • “Walking your why”
  • Choice points: do I move towards my values or away from my values?
  • Social contagion
  • Keeping your values front of mind
  • Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life
  • That our difficult emotions (like anxiety, for example) don’t have to go away in order for us to live according to our values
  • Under our difficult emotions are signposts for our values
  • Premature cognitive commitment
  • Stories help us to make sense of our world
  • Naming our stories

Susan David, Ph.D. Links:

susandavid.com

Ted Talk – Susan David, Ph.D.

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If you like this episode you might enjoy these other episodes:

Ralph De La Rosa

Hilary Jacobs Hendel

Eric’s Bookshelf

Looking for a good read? Here’s a list of categorized books that are personal favorites of Eric, host of the show. You can’t go wrong with any of these books.*

Fiction

Business/Productivity

General Spirituality

Buddhism

Memoirs

Miscellaneous

*In the Spirit of Full Disclosure: The links for the above-listed books are Amazon affiliate links & we’ll be compensated if you buy stuff from Amazon using those links. You pay no more and the show gets a few pennies.

That said, your trust means everything to us and we would never recommend anything lightly – these are all books that have had a profound impact on Eric during the course of his life.

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