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Wise Habits Reminders

Hilary Jacobs Hendel- How To Process Emotions

December 4, 2018 13 Comments

Hilary Jacobs Hendel -Full- The One You Feed

Hilary Jacobs Hendel is a psychotherapist who switched from practicing traditional talk psychotherapy to accelerated experientia dynamic psychotherapy. She teaches us that our core emotions are automatic and grounded in universal physical experiences. Her new book is called, It’s Not Always Depression: Working The Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to your Authentic Self. In this episode, she goes into great instructional detail about how to identify and process your emotions in the moment. If you’ve ever felt a strong emotion (and who hasn’t), this episode will teach you how to move through it skillfully, rather than having your strong emotions wreak havoc in yourself and with others. 


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In This Interview, Hilary Jacobs Hendel and I Discuss…

  • Her new book, It’s Not Always Depression: Working The Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to your Authentic Self
  • The 7 C’s of our authentic self
  • The science and biology of emotions
  • The change triangle
  • The Core Emotions: Fear, Anger, Sadness, Disgust, Joy, Excitement and Sexual Excitement
  • The 3 Inhibitory Emotions: Anxiety, Guilt, and Shame
  • How core emotions have energy and want to come up and out- to be expressed
  • Inhibitory emotions dampening our core emotions 
  • The difference between defenses and inhibitory emotions
  • How to work The Change Triangle
  • Trauma vs trauma
  • The power of naming your emotions
  • Our open-hearted state
  • When our emotions overwhelm us, it can be helpful to have someone else process them
  • Grounding and breathing
  • The role of core emotions is to ready us for action so they are first physical sensations, traveling from the brain down the vegus nerve
  • All core emotions have impulses associated with them
  • How harmful self-criticism and self-judgment can be
  • Relating to ourselves as a small child
  • Healthy shame vs toxic shame

Hilary Jacobs Hendel Links

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Filed Under: Featured, Podcast Episode Tagged With: trauma

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Caroline says

    December 6, 2018 at 6:10 am

    Great interview. Very helpful and powering. I am looking for the post show interview and can’t find it. I follow the podcast. Eric said to go to web site.

    Reply
    • Eric Zimmer says

      December 10, 2018 at 3:44 pm

      Hi Caroline…the post-show conversations are available to our Patreon supporters. You can learn more here oneyoufeed.net/support

      I’m glad you liked the conversation.

      Reply
  2. Kim Moskowitz says

    December 7, 2018 at 10:53 am

    Great podcast! Filled in a few gaps for me after reading your insightful very helpful book. Thank you Hilary for your amazing work and writing about human emotions. It is clear that you think and feel deeply, have an amazing heart and excellent communiction skills!

    Reply
    • Eric Zimmer says

      December 10, 2018 at 3:44 pm

      She is great.

      Reply
  3. Joel Dominguez says

    December 25, 2018 at 11:27 pm

    Hey Eric,

    I’m curious about your thoughts when guests have opposing views. For example, Hilary says there are core and universal emotions. A previous guest on emotions, Lisa Feldman Barrett, argues against universal emotions. Why didn’t you bring up the criticism against universal emotions to Hilary? Is it to save time? Does it seem too confrontational? I appreciate how the show can get the listener to scrutinize his or her previously held beliefs. However, if everything one hears is taken at face-value, then an individual may develop contradictory beliefs. I would like to know your input. Thanks in advance.

    Sincerely, Joel

    Reply
    • Hilary Jacobs Hendel says

      December 28, 2018 at 9:53 pm

      Hi Joel,

      Great comment and it’s not the first time I and my colleagues have discussed the similarities and differences.

      I’d like to chime in because I know LFB’s work and although it seems contradictory, I don’t think it is. She and I use the word emotion differently. She does believes in innate affect. Those are similar to the core emotions at the bottom of the Change Triangle. But affect is given meaning by the associations (constructs) our mind makes. Those are the triggers, inhibitory emotions and defensive emotions on the top of the Change Triangle. Defining terms is helpful because affect, emotion and feeling is used in different ways for different researchers and clinicians. Clinically work with emotions flows the way I show in my book. It’s the phenomenology. And much of good clinical work involves unbinding emotions for memories that interfere in a person’s functioning. For example, if I get anxious every time I walk into a party because I was moved embarrassed, we try to unbind anxiety and embarrassment (shame) from going to a party. Thoughts? Does that make sense? Warmly, Hilary

      Reply
      • Eric Zimmer says

        December 29, 2018 at 5:38 pm

        Hi Hilary…this is very helpful because as I was reading the book I had some of the same questions about you and LFB’s work.

        Reply
    • Eric Zimmer says

      December 29, 2018 at 5:44 pm

      Hi Joel,

      This is a good question. I contemplated bringing it up with Hilary. However due to time concerns and the wealth of knowledge I wanted to get out to the audience I chose to focus on her core teachings and not potential discrepancies between other guests. I would encourage no one to take everything said on the show at face value. I’m presenting ideas and opinions but they don’t all agree with each other. There are almost always things in any guests work that I might not agree with or question. But I feel the listeners are best served by me trying to find what I think is most helpful from the guests work into the world. Hope that makes sense.

      Thanks…Eric

      Reply
  4. Janet says

    December 26, 2018 at 11:09 pm

    I got the book for Christmas & I’m excited to read it. Just a small correction in your article though as AEDP stands for Accelerated EXPERIENTIAL Dynamic Psychotherapy.

    Reply
    • Eric Zimmer says

      December 29, 2018 at 5:38 pm

      Hi Janet…fixed.Thanks for the catch.

      Reply
  5. Hilary Jacobs Hendel says

    December 29, 2018 at 5:04 pm

    Yes, that is a correction. I look forward to hearing your feedback on the book if you feel like connecting back. I am delighted you are reading it.

    Reply
  6. Lisa says

    January 30, 2019 at 12:02 pm

    I am excited to listen more and learn more from this website! One thing I note immediately, however is the picture of the wolves. I love the parable. It creates a great visual. However, living in this world where there is so much racism, I wonder if we need to continue to think about portraying “bad” as black and “good” as white?

    Reply
    • Alyssa Fernandez says

      August 15, 2020 at 11:17 am

      I agree with this, Lisa. Just something to start being more conscious of. Kinda like building an awareness of those core and inhibitory emotions!

      Reply

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