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At first glance, procrastination seems like something that’s simply a nuisance in our lives. 

Maybe we’d put procrastination in the bucket of our less-than-desirable-but-no-big-deal personality traits.

But what if it actually IS a big deal? 

What if the impact that procrastination has on our lives is more widespread and more profound than we’ve ever really stopped to consider?

I think after reading this post, you’ll see procrastination in a whole new light and you may feel a stronger conviction to address it as it shows up in your own life. 

Let me explain.

Back in December, we released an episode of the show in which I talked to Professor Tim Pychyl all about procrastination.

Professor Pychyl says that when we procrastinate, we are putting off our lives. He says:

“It is in the getting on with life that makes procrastination in a very real sense is an existential issue of not getting on with life itself….It’s not about becoming an uber productive money making machine – it’s about living the life [you] want to, achieving the goals [you] want to achieve rather than stewing in [your] own juices of guilt and shame which so commonly accompany procrastination.”

When you put off a task, you are delaying forward motion in your life. You are delaying progress towards moving to and through your goals, however big or small they might be. 

And, though momentarily it may feel like a relief to procrastinate something, inevitably it ends up feeling like a weight on our shoulders. 

Perhaps we end up in dread about that thing we know we need to do but aren’t doing. Feelings like guilt or feeling down on oneself for continuing to procrastinate something that’s important inevitably follow. 

When we make a promise to ourselves to do something and we break that promise, it corrodes our sense of self-respect. Think of when you keep a promise you make to yourself – doesn’t it feel good deep down? 

When there’s something we need to do and we don’t do it, it just feels awful.

Like another “Tim”, Tim Urban of the blog Wait But Why, says that when we procrastinate something we know needs to get done in order to do some things that seem more enjoyable, we actually don’t fully enjoy doing those pleasurable things. He calls this place “the dark playground”. We are on a “playground” engaging in enjoyable activities but we aren’t there with the feeling of total freedom because we know we’ve got this other thing looming over our heads.

So, not only are we not “getting on with our life” when we procrastinate, we are also polluting the potential for pleasure in the other moments of our life. 

But that’s not all – the impact of procrastination goes even further.

The fact is, procrastination causes stress. You probably know this to be true in your own life and there’s plenty of scientific research that affirms your experience. We all know by know that chronic stress is linked to all kinds of health problems. You don’t want cortisol pumping through your body for extended periods of time. 

In addition, procrastination is linked to fewer wellness behaviors and treatment delay. Think about it: you don’t want to go to the doctor so you put it off. Diagnosis and treatment are then delayed and that can seriously compromise the effectiveness of the treatment.

Here’s the good news:

The antidotes to procrastination are amazingly simple, doable and effective. 

I work with my private clients on implementing these very practical techniques all the time. 

And I’m going to share them with you. 

Let me teach you 4 simple techniques.

The first technique can be summed up as: Don’t give in to feel good now because giving in now has a future cost.

As Professor Tim Pychyl says, procrastination is actually a form of self-regulation failure. 

When you are tempted to procrastinate it’s because you’re having an emotional reaction to a task; Specifically, the “I don’t want to, I don’t feel like it” reaction. Perhaps the task makes you feel anxious, stressed, bored or full of dread and it’s human nature to want to avoid things that feel bad. 

Avoidance is what Professor Pychyl calls an “emotion focused coping strategy”. But it’s a misregulation of emotion because we’re not really going to feel better in the long run. It’s just that the moment we get rid of the task we feel better, creating a habit.

And it’s the feeling better the moment we put something off that contributes to our bias when it comes to thinking about the future. 

There’s this thing called Affective Forecasting. Essentially, we rely on the present to predict the future. The moment you decide “no I’m not going to do this today” you feel good. So then when you use that momentary feeling to predict how you’re going to feel tomorrow, you think you’ll feel like it tomorrow. 

But you won’t. You won’t feel any more like doing it tomorrow than you do today. And that’s the truth.

“If you have to swallow a frog, don’t stare at it too long.” 

– Mark Twain

In fact, you’ll feel the weight of this task until you do it. Remember the “dark playground”?  That’s where you’ll be until you do the thing that you need to do. 

The second technique has to do with ambiguity. It’s a common cause of procrastination. 

If you don’t know what the specific next action to take is, you’ll procrastinate. 

Often what we have on our to do lists are projects, like “host dinner party” or “get ready for upcoming trip”. The thing is, we don’t DO projects. We DO tasks. We take actions. What’s the next action?

For “host dinner party” the next action might be, “look at calendar to find a date to host dinner party”. Another action might be “make a list of people to invite” or “decide what to cook”. Those are specific tasks within the project of hosting a dinner party. 

There’s another piece to this technique. 

Once you’ve identified the specific action you need to take, you need to plan when (and possibly where, if that applies) you’ll do it. 

Consider attaching the action to something else in your schedule. 

For example: tomorrow morning after you walk the dog, you’re going to sit at the kitchen table and spend 5 minutes making a list of people you want to invite to your dinner party. 

When it comes to taking the next right action, research shows if you know the specific what, when and where you’re 5x more likely to do it. That’s 500%. That warrants giving this technique a try, doesn’t it?

If you have an action or a task on your to do list and you approach it using these first 2 techniques, you’re less likely to keep procrastinating.

But not always.

That’s where the third and fourth techniques come in.

The third technique, simply put is: Just get started. Even if you don’t feel like it.

“What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step.”

Antoine De Saint-Exupery

See, momentum is a powerful thing. Once you start something, momentum will propel you forward. 

The resistance you feel in getting started will not be there every step of the way. It gets easier to keep moving once you just take the first step and actually get moving. 

Sometimes you have to trick yourself into getting started by making the first step really, really small and allowing yourself to only do that one small thing. If you do that small thing and want to stop afterwards, you can stop. 

I use this strategy all the time when it comes to working out. I tell myself that all I have to do is put my workout clothes on. Then, after I’ve done that, I tell myself that all I have to do is drive to the gym, etc until inevitably, I’ve made it through the workout. It gets easier once I just get started. 

Here’s a critical piece to this technique: Somehow, we get the idea that we have to be motivated or have the energy in the moment in order to do something. We assume that feeling like it precedes taking action. 

But in reality, that doesn’t always happen. Especially with tasks that we tend to want to procrastinate. 

Getting started or taking an action leads to the motivation or momentum to continue doing it. 

“If you want to do something, begin it, because action has magic, grace, and power in it.”

Goethe

Thinking we have to be in the “mood” to do something is fundamental contributor to procrastination.

Ok, the fourth and final technique is: Remember your motivation. 

And it helps if your motivation is an intrinsic one rather than an extrinsic one. 

An intrinsic motivation is one that comes from within you. It’s yours. You authored it. You want it. It’s personally satisfying to you.   

An extrinsic motivation is one that comes from outside of you. Someone else authored it and now you think you should want it. There’s usually a form of getting a reward or avoiding a punishment associated with extrinsic motivations. 

Here’s an example: 

Let’s say you are the one who is responsible for making sure your spouse and/or kids have something to eat at meal time. 

An example of extrinsic motivation when it comes to a healthy dinner would be because you heard a segment on the news about the importance of healthy eating at home. 

There’s an expert telling you it’s important. You get that it’s “the right thing to do”. 

But, at the end of a busy day when you have to muster up the energy to make that happen and it takes some effort, you cave in and drive through McDonalds on the way home. 

An example of intrinsic motivation in that scenario would be that it’s connected to the value you hold deep within you of making sure your family has nutritious, healthy food to eat each day. 

Perhaps you didn’t have that as a child and as a result, you struggled with your weight, were made fun of and you don’t want that for your kids. 

Or, perhaps your father died from heart disease which was connected to his poor diet and you want to do all you can to avoid that same destiny. 

So, at the end of a busy day, you remember that and push through, making the effort to ensure what’s on the dinner plate is healthy and nutritious.

Remembering your why when things get tough is often just what you need to act according to your values rather than according to how you feel in the moment.  

If you would like help applying and implementing these concepts in your life to help you make progress towards your goals, I can help you.

I work with people 1-on-1 in The One You Feed Personal Transformation Program to make the changes they want to make in order to get on with the living of their lives – the living of their lives that’s in line with their highest self and fullest potential. 

To learn more and book a free 30 minute coaching call with me, click here.

“Don’t let perfectionism become an excuse for never getting started.”

Marilu Henner

Here’s to getting on with life.

I’ve heard from many of the listeners of the show that they’d like to be more skillful with the way they experience and deal with difficult emotions.

We all feel unpleasant emotions and sometimes they can really get the better of us. 

In addition to just feeling awful, fueled by these feelings we then often act in ways we later regret – like emotional eating, saying unkind words, physically acting out, or turning to substances to numb the pain.

If you can relate, then this post is for you. Read on.

The good news is there is a way to move through these difficult feelings so that you actually get more in touch with yourself and later appreciate (rather than regret)  the way you decided to act (or not act) at the time.

This process is called emotional regulation and it’s all about helping us to be driven to action (or inaction) by our values, rather than by our emotions. 

There are four parts to The One You Feed’s model for emotional regulation.

The first part is to Realize You’re Triggered. 

By triggered, I mean, that you are feeling an unpleasant emotion.

This may sound obvious or too simple of a thing to do to merit its own step in this process but it is an essential step and one that has to happen in order for anything else to go right.

Once we notice and acknowledge that we’re feeling triggered, we can begin to work with the feeling(s) and thoughts that are going on inside of us. But if we don’t notice that we’re triggered, we often jump right to action, sometimes without even realizing that we’re being driven by a bad feeling. 

For example, let’s look at a couple of scenarios around emotional eating.

Scenario #1: You might notice that you’re feeling sad and so you think – I’ll comfort myself with food. 

Scenario #2: The first thing you might consciously notice is that you are really craving a piece of cake. From that point on, you are addressing the craving for cake – should you have some or not, can you resist the temptation. It’s all about the cake at this point –  or is it?

If you were to back up a minute and connect with your emotions, you might have first noticed that you were feeling bored and blue. And what’s a quick fix to stop feeling bored and blue? The serotonin and dopamine boost that comes with eating sugar. So, the first thing that surfaces into your consciousness is the action of eating something with sugar in it. Blowing right past the unpleasant emotion and right to action. (And, an action that you might regret later.)

This applies to any action that would serve to numb or discharge a difficult emotion. If you feel an impulse to act, pause first and check-in with yourself to see if, in fact, you are actually feeling a difficult emotion beneath that inclination to do something. 

At this point, it’s important to commit to non-action until you’ve worked through the 4 steps of this model of emotional regulation.

You may experience strong emotion when triggered and though it can be uncomfortable, know that you can be emotionally uncomfortable for these 10 minutes or so. Emotions aren’t emergencies. As Julie Simon puts it:

“Stop, slow down, and make the conscious choice to delay gratification for ten minutes. Say to yourself, “I am willing to be uncomfortable for ten minutes so that I can reach my goals.” Remind yourself, “I can endure discomfort for a short while. It’s not a root canal or childbirth!”

So, part 1 is to Realize You’re Triggered. Literally say to yourself, “I’m feeling ______”. 

At this stage, you may know the name for the emotion or you may just know that you feel bad. Either way, acknowledge it by filling in that blank. 

The second part of the process is to Feel/Address the Emotion.

After you Realize You’re Triggered, you might then sense that the feeling(s) can be really intense and you can feel overwhelmed or hijacked by a strong surge of unpleasant emotion(s). In this case, you’ll want to engage in some form of self-soothing practices.

If you can remove yourself from the situation that triggered you at this point, that can be really helpful. 

Here are some ideas for self-soothing practices according to Julie Simon:

• “Breathe deeply
• Snuggle up with a beloved pet
• Listen to comforting music, uplifting audio messages or affirmations
• Read comforting passages
• Play a musical instrument or sing
• Do yoga or stretching exercises
• Take a walk or hike in natural surroundings
• View or create artwork
• Write about your feelings
• Meditate”

Once you feel less emotionally overwhelmed, you can move into a skillful experiencing of your emotions. 

The following exercise, RAIN, will help you to do this. 

Maybe you already know about RAIN – but are you actually doing it? For it to work, you have to engage with it so I’d encourage you to bring it into your life at moments of strong emotion.

RAIN

Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture

1. Recognize: Ask yourself, “What emotions am I experiencing in this moment?”  Go ahead and say to yourself, “I feel (name your emotion(s).” 
2. Allow: Give yourself permission to feel all of these feelings and sensations. Breathe through them. A helpful phrase can be, “It’s ok to feel _______.”
3. Investigate: Get curious about your experience with the emotion. Pay attention to your bodily sensations. Just notice what you’re feeling. What does it feel like to feel angry? Where is the emotion showing up in your body? What bodily sensations are you experiencing? Tightness in your chest? Clenching at your jaw? Do a mental body scan to find out.
4. Nurture: Bring some kindness and compassion to your experience. Pretend you are a mother talking to her child, or an older version of yourself talking to your present self. A benefit of this step is to create a safe psychological space in which you can work. Some helpful phrases can be “This feeling belongs” or “I’m so sorry you are feeling sad” or “It’s understandable you would be angry right now”. 

Former guest, Tara Brach, teaches the method RAIN as a way to experience difficult emotions.

Now that you’ve made skillful contact with your emotion(s), you are better able to identify and work with the thoughts that exist. And that is what part 3 in the process will help you to do. 

Part 3 is to Untangle Your Thoughts.

As in part 2, there is a specific exercise here that will help you to untangle your thoughts. But before jumping into the exercise, it’s important to understand the framework you’re working within.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy explains the way we process life experiences through the framework of Activating events, Beliefs, and Consequences.

A​ctivating event → ​Be​liefs → C​onsequences

The ​activating event​ is the instigator in the equation. It’s any kind of stimulus which you perceive that goes on to activate a series of thoughts and emotions within you.

Then, there’s the belief​ – i.e. what ​you think about​ the activating event or situation.

Following the belief, come the ​consequences​. The consequences are the emotions you feel and/or the behaviors you engage in as a result of the activating event and belief. 

Putting it all together: something happens, you have a thought about it and then you have a feeling about it or you take an action on it. A  → ​B  → ​C. 

Ok, on to the exercise to untangle your thoughts: Cognitive Journaling

This is modeled on a method devised by Richard Ragnarson.

I’m going to pair this exercise down to its core components. If you would like to know more about how to practice Cognitive Journaling in your own life, I help people do that through The One You Feed Personal Transformation Program and you can schedule a free 30-minute call with me here https://ericzimmer.coach/ to see if the program might be a fit for you.

Cognitive Journaling 

1. Step 1 is to write down the consequence; in other words, write down the emotion or behavior you’d like to reflect upon. 

(Note: We’re working backwards through the  A → ​B → ​C equation in this exercise, starting with “C”.)

1. Step 2 is to describe the activating event; in other words, write down a description of the instigating situation. 

1. Step 3 is to find out the belief. To do so, write down the answers to the following questions to discover what the activating event meant to you: 

1. What did this event mean for me at the moment?
2. Why did I feel this emotion or behave that way?
3. What did I think following the event that could have caused that feeling/behavior?
4. What was my thought at the moment of the event?

1. Step 4 is to challenge the belief; in other words, using a perspective of doubt and skepticism, question the validity of the belief.  To do so, write down the answers to the following questions:

1. Is it based on sound logic?
2. Is it falsifiable?
3. Is it useful?
4. Does it make me more flexible or is it rigid or extreme?
5. Do I have proof of it?
6. Is the belief useful?

If your belief is good, each answer should be a yes. If you answer even one no, you can go on to ask these questions:

1. How can I demonstrate this?
2. Does this belief help me feel good and achieve my objective?
3. Is this fear really that terrible? What’s the worst that can happen?
4. How likely is my projection?
5. Why should things not be like this?
6. Is it really possible to have the world go according to my wishes?

1. Step 5 is to form a replacement belief. Here you’ll brainstorm up to three new beliefs that are flexible, logical, helpful/supportive of your wellbeing, falsifiable/objectively true/congruent with reality. 

1. Ask yourself, “what is an alternative thought that can I think?”
2. For each thought, determine if it fits with the activating event and identify what emotion it causes in you.

Part 4 is to Act According to Your Values.

Now, it’s time to determine the “right action” for the situation based on your values (rather than your emotions). This approach is called ​Values Based Action​. 

In their book, Emotion Efficacy Therapy, Matthew McKay and Aprilia West explain Values Based Action this way:

“Values-based action (VBA) is defined as any behavior that is in alignment with or expresses value for the context of the situation. VBA is an alternative to acting on painful emotions. ​VBA can also be defined as behavior that takes one’s life in a direction that matters, that’s in alignment with what feels important and right for the situation. ​Clarifying values across life domains is the first step to being able to identify VBA in the moment of choice.

1. Step 1: ​In your journal, identify your core values that guide (or that you would like to guide) your life’s decisions.

1. Step 2: ​Consider the situation at hand and list which value(s) apply or are relevant.

1. Step 3:​ Identify specific values-based actions that allow you to express yourself —in the moment of choice—in a manner consistent with your values.”

When working here to determine “right action”, it can be helpful to take on the voice and perspective of a wise older version of yourself, a kind friend who also holds you accountable or a loving yet firm parent.

The goal of The One You Feed emotional regulation process is to help you work more skillfully through the space between the moment you feel triggered and the moment when you decide to act (or decide not to act), so that you can ultimately act according to your values, rather than acting according to your emotions.

If you would like to have your values drive your actions rather than your emotions – in other words, you realize that having your emotions run your life will not lead to the quality of life you’d like to have – then this process will help you get there. 

Would you like some additional help in applying this 4 step model to your life? 

I help people every day to do just that – and more – in The One You Feed Personal Transformation Program. 

In this program, I work 1-on-1 with you to help you uncover what is standing between where you are now and where you’d like to be in your life. Then we work together to create and implement a plan to get you to your goal. 

You don’t have to go it alone and some would argue that you can’t. Whether it’s me or someone else in your life, having someone to support and guide you on the path to a better version of yourself – and thereby a better life – can be the difference between another failed attempt and a new reality for you.

You can learn more about the program here or go ahead and connect with me for a free 30-minute call to see if we’re a fit here.

Wishing you all well.

As a coach, I have the unique perspective of seeing firsthand that people are not alone in their struggles.

The details may differ from person to person, but often, many of my clients share a common struggle, pitfall or source of derailment in their efforts to build a better life for themselves and stay on track.

I’ll bet many of you can relate to this particular scenario that I’ve been working on with several of my clients lately:

Let’s say you set out to start and maintain an exercise routine. 

A slight feeling of trepidation stirs in your stomach because this isn’t your first time (or second time, or third time…) setting out to create and sustain this habit and you have some doubt in your ability to be successful this time.

The first 7 days, you do great. You execute your plan flawlessly, doing each workout you planned to do each day. You’re feeling great about yourself.

Then, life happens – specifically, a day when just about everything went wrong and you felt lousy and you didn’t do your exercise as planned.

Feeling defeated, the next day you miss again and by the third day, this dreaded thought triumphs:

“See, I knew it. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stick with it. Other people seem to be able to stick to a workout routine, but not me. I’m just not cut out for it.”

I’ll bet you can relate to – if not that exact scenario, some variation of it. Specifically, that pattern of not executing your plan perfectly, getting frustrated with yourself and then getting derailed because of it.

But this path can be avoided altogether with a two-part approach. I’ve seen it work time and time again with my coaching clients.

The first part has to do with adjusting your mindset from the beginning.

As you set out to execute your plan, you need to know that you will miss a day or more of your new habit or routine. Everyone misses and it’s to be expected.

Since it’s an inevitability, a good plan takes that into account and makes provisions for it.

The easiest formula to use is the if…then… formula.

IF you miss a day, THEN you will make your workout the #1 priority for the next day and everything else takes a back seat until it’s done.

-or   – 

IF you miss more than 3 days in a row, THEN you will start back on day 4 but instead of doing 45 minutes on the elliptical, you’ll do 25 minutes so that you don’t absolutely hobble your way through the next day, making it harder to hop back on the machine again.

Whatever the habit is, ask yourself, “what’s the next right step at that point to keep the new habit alive?” and bake that into your plan.

Make a plan for when life gets in the way and you miss a point of execution in your plan.

The second part of the approach – and it’s a critical one – has to do with adjusting your self talk when you miss a day.

See, you need to know that missing is not a sign of failure or your lack of ability.  

So, let’s adjust your self talk when it happens.

Rather than thinking, “I knew I’d fail, I’m a failure, I can’t do this”, try dropping the emotional value or story that you attach to your behavior.

A more helpful thought might be, “Well, like everyone does, I got off track and I have a plan for what to do in just this scenario.” or another really useful thought is “What can I learn from this?”

This destructive line of thinking is so ubiquitous that scientists have a name for it:

The confirmation bias.

In other words, we find what we expect to find.

So, if you start out thinking that you’re going to fail, you’ll look for evidence to support your conclusion all along the way. So, you see a miss as a sign of failure. It gets written into your story that way. The end.

So let’s stay one step ahead of our human tendencies. Let’s realize human nature and plan for the inevitable reality of life.

That’s how you can set yourself up for success.

Another piece of the puzzle is accountability and support for when you miss in your routine. 

That’s one of the benefits of working with me 1-on-1 in The One You Feed Personal Transformation Program. 

When you miss, we look at what happened together and adapt the plan to account for the unique challenges in your life.

With daily email check-ins, we get to adjust things in real-time together. You’re not in it alone. That makes a real difference.

If you’re interested in learning more about The One You Feed Personal Transformation Program, click here.

I’ll teach you the #1 technique I teach all my coaching clients – for free.

Do you know about the program already and want to book a free 30-minute intro call with me to see if it might be a fit for you? Click here.

Wishing you all the best.