Search Results for: feeling some fear

Do you know what’s even more contagious than the Coronavirus? 

Fear.

It’s easy to get caught up in the global crisis mentality that’s going on right now which breeds fear and panic in the minds of people as we’re facing the coronavirus pandemic.

That’s not to say that fear is “wrong” or that fear “shouldn’t” show up in us at all. 

That’s also not to say that there are not good reasons for fear or worry around this situation.

Fear is an intelligent emotion and it certainly has a useful place in our lives – up to a point. 

Fear can help us take action, alerting us to potential danger or harm so that we can protect ourselves and others. That’s a very useful, good thing.

But fear can also become crippling and it can overwhelm us. It can be an unpleasant feeling and it can really do a number on us when it stays around for long periods of time. 

Because of that, I thought I’d share some ways to work with fear, point out a couple of podcast episodes that you can listen to on the topic, as well as teach you a Spiritual Habit that you can turn to for help moving through the feeling of fear so that you can connect to the place within you which is discerning, wise, and steady. 

In a recent interview about how to strengthen resilience, Linda Graham said, “How you respond to the issue IS the issue.”

So, the issue of how we each individually respond to the fear of a pandemic is the most pressing issue for each of us. 

I’ll offer up Stephen Covey’s idea of the circle of influence vs. the circle of concern. 

Covey says that your Circle of Influence contains things that you can take action on and affect directly. In contrast, your Circle of Concern contains things that you worry about but can’t really take direct action on to change.

It’s helpful to become aware of which Circle we’re spending most of our time in as it relates to the Coronavirus fear we’re currently all facing.

If we spend all of our time watching the news beyond that which is instructive or helpful, we’re in the Circle of Concern. And that can feel paralyzing.

But if we spend our time identifying the things we can take action on and affect, we’re back in the empowering Circle of Influence. 

One of the most impactful ways to spend time in the Circle of Influence is to focus on self-care. 

Supporting your (and your loved ones’) mental, physical and emotional health right now is especially important. 

By prioritizing the fundamentals of self-care – eating healthily, getting a good night’s sleep, exercising, meditating and seeking wisdom from sources that you know and trust – you take action on strengthening the pillars that will see you through this storm. 

And since fear is an initiatory energy, taking action will channel that energy in a productive direction, giving it somewhere to go rather than stagnating inside of you. 

We can turn our focus to the basics of what it means to Feed Our Good Wolf and take care of ourselves and when we do, we have the resources we need to navigate these difficult times. 

I recently interviewed Mark Nepo for a second time (episode to be released soon) and he said something that struck me. He said, “we’ve become addicted to the noise of things falling apart.” 

He went on to point out that things are also always coming together, too. Often, the things that are coming together are just a lot quieter. So, it takes us pausing to notice those quiet things coming together.

As in so much of life, where we place our attention will determine our experience.

So, how do we pause and respond to fear when it hits us?

It’s important to know that fear is fed through our thoughts but it is FELT in our bodies. 

So if we continue to stoke the fire of fear by getting carried away by the trance of fear-based thinking, irrational panic can take over.

But if we can pause when we feel fear set in and really feel the feelings without feeding them, then they can move through us, releasing their grip on us so that we can contact what’s true, what’s in our Circle of Influence and what (if any) action we can take.

Since fear is fed by our thoughts and is largely future-oriented, it can be really helpful to drop out of the thinking mind and into the present moment.

Conveniently, the body and the breath are always in the present moment (and also always with you no matter where you are).

So here are a couple of practices you can turn to when fear really hits. 

The first comes from another recent podcast episode with guest Fleet Maul who introduced us to the practice of straw breathing. 

You can practice straw breathing with or without an actual straw. If you have one handy, great, but you don’t have to have one in order to practice it. 

Essentially, you take a deep breath in and then you exhale in a slow, controlled manner, as if through a straw. 

Anytime your exhalation is longer than your inhalation, it is a signal to your brain that you are not in a fight/flight/freeze state of danger and your limbic system can relax.

I’ll also offer you a grounding on-the-spot Spiritual Habit that you can turn to when you feel fear taking hold.

This Spiritual Habit won’t make the fear disappear, but it will open up more space inside of you, you won’t feel so possessed by the fear and you will have direct access to the present moment so that you can discern what’s present here and now vs. what is being imagined from a state of fear. From there you can move forward.

One of the things that all Spiritual Habits have in common is that they have a trigger or something that prompts you to practice them.

This Spiritual Habit’s trigger is anytime you notice you are caught in the trance of fear, the grip of fear or locked in fearful, ruminating thoughts:

First, pause. Notice and name the fear you’re experiencing. (“I’m feeling fear right now.”)

Next, place a hand on your belly and breathe into your hand so that your belly expands. Slowly exhale and as you do, sense your body and mind letting go of any tension and fear. 

Now, move your attention to feel where your feet touch the ground or where your seat meets the chair and feel supported by the earth beneath you. 

Then, sense where you feel any tension or tightness in the body and gently see if you can relax a bit in those areas, letting go and breathing into them. 

And finally, take just a moment to rest in this state of presence, in direct contact with that which is here now vs. being lost in the imagined future, and sense what has opened up inside of you, giving you some space between you and the fear you’re feeling. 

When you name the fear and sense that you are grounded and present, you become less gripped by and identified with the fear and more able to discern what the right action might be in the moment.

Bringing wisdom into the moments of your life and working with strong emotions are both things that I do as part of the Spiritual Habits Program.

In the 1-on-1 Spiritual Habits Program, I help people who have familiarity with spiritual principles like mindfulness, self-compassion or acceptance but can’t quite figure out how to consistently apply it all to their daily life to develop simple, actionable Spiritual Habits so they embody these principles and feel calmer, more at ease and more fulfilled on a daily basis.

To learn more about the 1-on-1 Spiritual Habits Program (and learn another Spiritual Habit for free) click here. 

Wishing you all inner stillness amidst outer chaos, 

Eric

Emotional First Aid: What to do when feeling fear in the face of uncertainty

How to move from worry and fear to steady, open-hearted presence (especially when everything is uncertain)

How to go from fearful, anxious and worried to steady, open-hearted and present (even when everything is uncertain)

If the uncertainty of this global crisis has you feeling fearful, anxious, and worried, read on. This post is for you. 

I want to shine a light on what’s going on beneath the surface for us when we get caught in a really fearful reaction to the uncertainty that we are so acutely aware of in times of crisis. And, I want to offer up two other paths that we can take instead that each leads us to a place of internal wisdom, open-heartedness, deep steadiness, and presence. 

Uncertainty falls under the umbrella of what Mark Nepo calls “the terrible knowledge.” 

Uncertainty – or, the fact that anything could happen to any of us at any time – is the reality in which we live. There are times when this is more obvious to us than others (like in a global pandemic) but whether we see it or not, it is always true. 

So, the birthplace of our suffering – and our freedom – is in our relationship with uncertainty.

And this is good news – because while we can’t change the very nature of reality, we can change how we relate to this fact of life. We just need some skills and know-how and practice to do so.

I’ve heard the Buddhist teacher, Jack Kornfield, tell a story about something that happened one day many years ago when he was on a walk to town as a Buddhist monk with his teacher and fellow monks. 

As they passed by a huge boulder, his teacher turned to the group of monks and asked, “Is that boulder heavy to us?” to which the students replied, “Why yes, master!”. His teacher smiled, and he said, “Not if we don’t pick it up!”.

So, one way we pick up the boulder of uncertainty is by looking through a lens called the negativity bias. 

When we are caught in the negativity bias, as is so often our default as humans, we tend to see and remember things with a negative nature more than things with a positive nature. 

The negativity bias is connected to our survival instinct. Spotting and remembering potential dangers or threats can serve us well when it comes to staying alive. It becomes problematic, however, when we have this lens on all the time, unaware that it is coloring all that we see with the big, black brushstrokes of impending doom. 

We take on the negativity bias when we sense uncertainty, and our mind jumps to identify all of the terrible things that could happen. We then get hit with waves of deep fear and anticipated grief.

See, when we look through the lens of the negativity bias, we don’t see the whole picture. 

In this week’s episode, Mark Nepo said that in the modern world, we have catastrophized our relationship to the unknown. 

He went on to say that it’s like watching the weather report on the news these days. Instead of calling it simply “the weather report”, it’s now often called “superstorm watch”. 

There are all types of weather to come, and we may be in a week full of peaceful, sunny spring days but instead of giving full weight to all kinds of weather, we are constantly searching for the next destructive, dangerous storm, pointing it out weeks before it could even potentially strike. 

The undeniable reality is that the unknown can produce love and beauty just as it can produce difficulty and hardships.

I am not trying to downplay the suffering that is going on around the world, especially right now. I am just looking to color in the rest of the picture so that we have a more balanced view of the reality of uncertainty. 

Though we can often have a fearful reaction when faced with uncertainty, we are well-served to remember that uncertainty holds the potential for positive things to emerge, too. This helps us release the grip of fear and let go into the life that is showing up for us in the present moment. If we’re always bracing in fear, we miss the rest of life as it is happening.

So, the first pathway back to a more open-hearted presence is to identify when you’re taking on a negativity bias in the face of uncertainty. When you name the fear that is stirred up because of this perspective, you become the larger space that can observe the fear instead of being caught inside fear itself. 

The second pathway I’ll share with you is found in how we work with our worried, anxious thoughts and feelings in the midst of uncertainty.

In her book, The Wisdom of Anxiety, Sheryl Paul gives a really helpful paradigm to consider:

“We simply don’t like [living with uncertainty]. We want definitive answers [and] we are intrinsically wired to gravitate toward a need for control and a subsequent attempt to create the illusion of control.”

She goes on to say that intrusive thoughts, rumination, and worry are the mind’s attempt to create some certainty and thereby feel in control:

“The fear-based self believes that if you could answer the intrusive thoughts of the day, you would hedge your bets and know, without any doubt, that you’re okay…Because the fear-based self is terrified of risk, terrified of anything that touches into vulnerability.”

She points to the path out of ruminating thoughts which is to feel the difficult feelings that come up in the face of uncertainty:

“Let yourself feel that terror. Let yourself begin to befriend the mystery of life instead of clinging to what you think you can control. The truth is that there is so little we can control…The only freedom is to make friends with not knowing.”

“We seem wired as humans to try and control outer circumstances in an attempt to avoid painful and uncomfortable feelings…The more you practice cutting through the habit of spider-monkeying up the vines of anxiety that entrap your brain, and instead drop back down into your heart, where your feelings live, the less anxious and more peaceful you will feel.”

When we find ourselves in a state of worry, of intrusive thoughts, ask, “What is this thought protecting me from feeling?”

When we sense the answer to that question, we can contact these feelings with kindness, opening to them, breathing through them, allowing them to exist and be felt – and then to pass. Because all feelings follow the same pattern: They show up, they peak, and then they pass. 

If you’d like to learn more about how to work with difficult feelings when they arise, click here to check out a blog post on the topic. I walk you through how to move through them in such a way that you’re more in touch with your deeper, wiser self as a result. Plus, there’s a ridiculously cute picture of a pug at the top of the post. That alone will surely make you smile.

I hope these approaches to uncertainty, fear, and anxiety are helpful to you right now, my friend.

If you would like to explore these topics further with me as a behavior coach, I offer a free 30-minute intro call to see if we’re a fit to work together. And I’m discounting my 1-on-1 coaching services right now to try and make them as accessible as possible to as many people as possible.

On the intro call, there is no pressure to sign up to work with me. If we’re a match to work together, that will be clear to both of us. High-pressured sales calls couldn’t be further from how I operate in business and in life. 

Instead, we’ll spend our time on the phone talking about the specific challenges you’re facing and we’ll explore how I might help. Whether or not we decide to work together, I’ll offer my thoughts on how you might work with these challenges to overcome them and make some progress in the areas of your life where you’re feeling stuck. 

Depending on your individual goals and challenges, I can offer either the content of The Spiritual Habits Program, The Personal Transformation Program, or a blend of the two programs. 

Need help working through difficult feelings or thoughts? Maybe you know you could use support figuring out how to prioritize self-care (meditation, exercise, healthy eating habits), or you need to learn how to break through procrastination, or structure your days to remain productive despite all the challenges?

Click here to book a free 30-minute intro call with me to talk about what’s got you feeling stuck right now. 

Also, for the foreseeable future, I am offering weekly free group coaching calls on Wednesdays at 12 pm Eastern Daylight Time. On the call, you can ask questions or let me know what you’re struggling with, and I’ll offer my thoughts on how you might go about working through things in a strengthening, productive way. You can grab the Zoom link to join the calls on our COVID-19 Support page.

Wishing you well – especially right now,

Eric

I’ve heard from many of the listeners of the show that they’d like to be more skillful with the way they experience and deal with difficult emotions.

We all feel unpleasant emotions and sometimes they can really get the better of us. 

In addition to just feeling awful, fueled by these feelings we then often act in ways we later regret – like emotional eating, saying unkind words, physically acting out, or turning to substances to numb the pain.

If you can relate, then this post is for you. Read on.

The good news is there is a way to move through these difficult feelings so that you actually get more in touch with yourself and later appreciate (rather than regret)  the way you decided to act (or not act) at the time.

This process is called emotional regulation and it’s all about helping us to be driven to action (or inaction) by our values, rather than by our emotions. 

There are four parts to The One You Feed’s model for emotional regulation.

The first part is to Realize You’re Triggered. 

By triggered, I mean, that you are feeling an unpleasant emotion.

This may sound obvious or too simple of a thing to do to merit its own step in this process but it is an essential step and one that has to happen in order for anything else to go right.

Once we notice and acknowledge that we’re feeling triggered, we can begin to work with the feeling(s) and thoughts that are going on inside of us. But if we don’t notice that we’re triggered, we often jump right to action, sometimes without even realizing that we’re being driven by a bad feeling. 

For example, let’s look at a couple of scenarios around emotional eating.

Scenario #1: You might notice that you’re feeling sad and so you think – I’ll comfort myself with food. 

Scenario #2: The first thing you might consciously notice is that you are really craving a piece of cake. From that point on, you are addressing the craving for cake – should you have some or not, can you resist the temptation. It’s all about the cake at this point –  or is it?

If you were to back up a minute and connect with your emotions, you might have first noticed that you were feeling bored and blue. And what’s a quick fix to stop feeling bored and blue? The serotonin and dopamine boost that comes with eating sugar. So, the first thing that surfaces into your consciousness is the action of eating something with sugar in it. Blowing right past the unpleasant emotion and right to action. (And, an action that you might regret later.)

This applies to any action that would serve to numb or discharge a difficult emotion. If you feel an impulse to act, pause first and check-in with yourself to see if, in fact, you are actually feeling a difficult emotion beneath that inclination to do something. 

At this point, it’s important to commit to non-action until you’ve worked through the 4 steps of this model of emotional regulation.

You may experience strong emotion when triggered and though it can be uncomfortable, know that you can be emotionally uncomfortable for these 10 minutes or so. Emotions aren’t emergencies. As Julie Simon puts it:

“Stop, slow down, and make the conscious choice to delay gratification for ten minutes. Say to yourself, “I am willing to be uncomfortable for ten minutes so that I can reach my goals.” Remind yourself, “I can endure discomfort for a short while. It’s not a root canal or childbirth!”

So, part 1 is to Realize You’re Triggered. Literally say to yourself, “I’m feeling ______”. 

At this stage, you may know the name for the emotion or you may just know that you feel bad. Either way, acknowledge it by filling in that blank. 

The second part of the process is to Feel/Address the Emotion.

After you Realize You’re Triggered, you might then sense that the feeling(s) can be really intense and you can feel overwhelmed or hijacked by a strong surge of unpleasant emotion(s). In this case, you’ll want to engage in some form of self-soothing practices.

If you can remove yourself from the situation that triggered you at this point, that can be really helpful. 

Here are some ideas for self-soothing practices according to Julie Simon:

• “Breathe deeply
• Snuggle up with a beloved pet
• Listen to comforting music, uplifting audio messages or affirmations
• Read comforting passages
• Play a musical instrument or sing
• Do yoga or stretching exercises
• Take a walk or hike in natural surroundings
• View or create artwork
• Write about your feelings
• Meditate”

Once you feel less emotionally overwhelmed, you can move into a skillful experiencing of your emotions. 

The following exercise, RAIN, will help you to do this. 

Maybe you already know about RAIN – but are you actually doing it? For it to work, you have to engage with it so I’d encourage you to bring it into your life at moments of strong emotion.

RAIN

Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture

1. Recognize: Ask yourself, “What emotions am I experiencing in this moment?”  Go ahead and say to yourself, “I feel (name your emotion(s).” 
2. Allow: Give yourself permission to feel all of these feelings and sensations. Breathe through them. A helpful phrase can be, “It’s ok to feel _______.”
3. Investigate: Get curious about your experience with the emotion. Pay attention to your bodily sensations. Just notice what you’re feeling. What does it feel like to feel angry? Where is the emotion showing up in your body? What bodily sensations are you experiencing? Tightness in your chest? Clenching at your jaw? Do a mental body scan to find out.
4. Nurture: Bring some kindness and compassion to your experience. Pretend you are a mother talking to her child, or an older version of yourself talking to your present self. A benefit of this step is to create a safe psychological space in which you can work. Some helpful phrases can be “This feeling belongs” or “I’m so sorry you are feeling sad” or “It’s understandable you would be angry right now”. 

Former guest, Tara Brach, teaches the method RAIN as a way to experience difficult emotions.

Now that you’ve made skillful contact with your emotion(s), you are better able to identify and work with the thoughts that exist. And that is what part 3 in the process will help you to do. 

Part 3 is to Untangle Your Thoughts.

As in part 2, there is a specific exercise here that will help you to untangle your thoughts. But before jumping into the exercise, it’s important to understand the framework you’re working within.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy explains the way we process life experiences through the framework of Activating events, Beliefs, and Consequences.

A​ctivating event → ​Be​liefs → C​onsequences

The ​activating event​ is the instigator in the equation. It’s any kind of stimulus which you perceive that goes on to activate a series of thoughts and emotions within you.

Then, there’s the belief​ – i.e. what ​you think about​ the activating event or situation.

Following the belief, come the ​consequences​. The consequences are the emotions you feel and/or the behaviors you engage in as a result of the activating event and belief. 

Putting it all together: something happens, you have a thought about it and then you have a feeling about it or you take an action on it. A  → ​B  → ​C. 

Ok, on to the exercise to untangle your thoughts: Cognitive Journaling

This is modeled on a method devised by Richard Ragnarson.

I’m going to pair this exercise down to its core components. If you would like to know more about how to practice Cognitive Journaling in your own life, I help people do that through The One You Feed Personal Transformation Program and you can schedule a free 30-minute call with me here https://ericzimmer.coach/ to see if the program might be a fit for you.

Cognitive Journaling 

1. Step 1 is to write down the consequence; in other words, write down the emotion or behavior you’d like to reflect upon. 

(Note: We’re working backwards through the  A → ​B → ​C equation in this exercise, starting with “C”.)

1. Step 2 is to describe the activating event; in other words, write down a description of the instigating situation. 

1. Step 3 is to find out the belief. To do so, write down the answers to the following questions to discover what the activating event meant to you: 

1. What did this event mean for me at the moment?
2. Why did I feel this emotion or behave that way?
3. What did I think following the event that could have caused that feeling/behavior?
4. What was my thought at the moment of the event?

1. Step 4 is to challenge the belief; in other words, using a perspective of doubt and skepticism, question the validity of the belief.  To do so, write down the answers to the following questions:

1. Is it based on sound logic?
2. Is it falsifiable?
3. Is it useful?
4. Does it make me more flexible or is it rigid or extreme?
5. Do I have proof of it?
6. Is the belief useful?

If your belief is good, each answer should be a yes. If you answer even one no, you can go on to ask these questions:

1. How can I demonstrate this?
2. Does this belief help me feel good and achieve my objective?
3. Is this fear really that terrible? What’s the worst that can happen?
4. How likely is my projection?
5. Why should things not be like this?
6. Is it really possible to have the world go according to my wishes?

1. Step 5 is to form a replacement belief. Here you’ll brainstorm up to three new beliefs that are flexible, logical, helpful/supportive of your wellbeing, falsifiable/objectively true/congruent with reality. 

1. Ask yourself, “what is an alternative thought that can I think?”
2. For each thought, determine if it fits with the activating event and identify what emotion it causes in you.

Part 4 is to Act According to Your Values.

Now, it’s time to determine the “right action” for the situation based on your values (rather than your emotions). This approach is called ​Values Based Action​. 

In their book, Emotion Efficacy Therapy, Matthew McKay and Aprilia West explain Values Based Action this way:

“Values-based action (VBA) is defined as any behavior that is in alignment with or expresses value for the context of the situation. VBA is an alternative to acting on painful emotions. ​VBA can also be defined as behavior that takes one’s life in a direction that matters, that’s in alignment with what feels important and right for the situation. ​Clarifying values across life domains is the first step to being able to identify VBA in the moment of choice.

1. Step 1: ​In your journal, identify your core values that guide (or that you would like to guide) your life’s decisions.

1. Step 2: ​Consider the situation at hand and list which value(s) apply or are relevant.

1. Step 3:​ Identify specific values-based actions that allow you to express yourself —in the moment of choice—in a manner consistent with your values.”

When working here to determine “right action”, it can be helpful to take on the voice and perspective of a wise older version of yourself, a kind friend who also holds you accountable or a loving yet firm parent.

The goal of The One You Feed emotional regulation process is to help you work more skillfully through the space between the moment you feel triggered and the moment when you decide to act (or decide not to act), so that you can ultimately act according to your values, rather than acting according to your emotions.

If you would like to have your values drive your actions rather than your emotions – in other words, you realize that having your emotions run your life will not lead to the quality of life you’d like to have – then this process will help you get there. 

Would you like some additional help in applying this 4 step model to your life? 

I help people every day to do just that – and more – in The One You Feed Personal Transformation Program. 

In this program, I work 1-on-1 with you to help you uncover what is standing between where you are now and where you’d like to be in your life. Then we work together to create and implement a plan to get you to your goal. 

You don’t have to go it alone and some would argue that you can’t. Whether it’s me or someone else in your life, having someone to support and guide you on the path to a better version of yourself – and thereby a better life – can be the difference between another failed attempt and a new reality for you.

You can learn more about the program here or go ahead and connect with me for a free 30-minute call to see if we’re a fit here.

Wishing you all well.

When the mother of my son was in the throes of labor pains with him in the delivery room, it was really scary and really awful. 

The thing that helped us push through what seemed like unbearable suffering was that our son would be born and that very soon, we would be able to hold him and see him and love him.

During this global pandemic, with all of the suffering that it’s causing, I’ve thought back to that experience and connected it in my mind with a famous quote from Viktor Frankl:

“In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning.”

– Viktor Frankl

As you have probably heard me say before, I am not one of those people who believes that “everything happens for a reason” and that this “reason” is some mysterious secret of the Universe that we may or may not ever get to discover for ourselves.

Instead, it has been my experience that meaning is something that we create. 

How do we go about doing this? 

Well, meaning is very closely tied to intention. 

So, one powerful way that we can begin to create some meaning is by getting clear on what matters to us in a given circumstance. When we know what matters to us, we can then set our intention accordingly for how we want to be or how we want to show up or act in the situation. 

Now, before I go any further, I want to be sensitive here and careful not to give the impression that I’m somehow trying to turn this global pandemic into this sunny, global growth opportunity which minimizes the tremendous suffering that many are experiencing right now. 

Instead, what I’m pointing to is the fact that adversity is often a chance for us to become better people, better versions of ourselves, and to grow. It has consistently been the fertile soil from which most of my growth has come.

This idea of “Post Traumatic Growth” can happen when we shift to connect with meaning and intention which can carry us through times of great suffering in transformational ways. 

Jack Kornfield was interviewed in a recent New York Times article, and he spoke to this very idea:

“It’s time to make a vow, to sit quietly, rest your heart and ask, “What is my best intention, my most noble aspiration in this difficult time?” If you quiet yourself, your heart will answer. The answer could be simple: “I vow to be kind no matter what.” And when you find the answer in yourself, write it down and place it somewhere you’ll remember. Then when you feel lost or confused, take a breath and remember that vow. Because it’s time to become the lamp in the darkness.”

He goes on to say:

“When you live in speculative thoughts — “How long is it going to last?” “Will I make it through three more days or three more months?” — how does that make you feel? … you can either spend your time worrying, which…doesn’t actually help, or you can say: “I don’t know how long it will be, but let me do the most magnificent work I can do.”

We all find ourselves wondering how long this time of uncertainty and restrictions and fear will last. Of course, we want suffering to end.

When I catch myself starting down that road, I pause and remember that this is life and the nature of life is that growth happens not when things are easy, but rather when things are hard. 

These circumstances are a portal to awakening and growth. Ram Dass called difficulty “grist for the mill”. Former guest of the show, Mary O’Malley, says “what’s in the way, is the way”.

And it’s really helpful to remember that life doesn’t resume again when this global pandemic is over – inferring that we just need to wait this out as if we’ve hit some kind of pause button on life. Life is always and only – now.

Part of not just coping – but growing – amidst this difficult time is rooted in orienting around a deep intention. If we can connect with what really matters to us, then when the intensity of things ramps up and the difficulty level is acute, we can remember our greater purpose – the one we’ve set for ourselves – and we can find the strength to weather the storm.

So, I invite you to pause for a moment if you can. I’m going to walk you through a brief inquiry that will set the stage for a simple Spiritual Habit which I’ll share with you – one that’s based on Jack Kornfield’s wise words. You can practice this Spiritual Habit when things feel difficult and intense to ground and steady yourself.

Take a few full, deep breaths and pay attention to what comes up for you when you consider these questions – pick whichever one works best for you:

• How do I want to be through this difficult time?
• What really matters to me amidst all that is happening?
• What is my deepest intention for how I want to move through and come out of this season of suffering?
• When things get really difficult, what do I want to remember about what is real and true for me?

When you sense that you have gotten an answer from your heart to any of these questions, capture your intention by writing it down somewhere – on a piece of paper, in your phone or anywhere that you’ll be able to see it when you need to remember it.

All Spiritual Habits have a trigger or prompt to practice them and your trigger to practice this one is when you find yourself really suffering amidst this global pandemic. 

When that happens, call to mind this intention that you’ve set for yourself. Find the note you made of it and read it or remember it and say it quietly to yourself. Remind yourself of what matters to you and align yourself with this intention in the moment as best you can. Feel a shift inside as you touch into what you can control, which is, how you relate to what’s happening.

And that reminds me of another great Viktor Frankl quote:

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” 

– Viktor Frankl

To go deeper with these ideas, check out this mini-episode in which I talk a bit more about this idea of Post Traumatic Growth. 

To help support your growth during this difficult time, I’m offering free and discounted coaching in a number of ways right now:

• Free weekly group coaching calls on Wednesdays at 12pm Eastern Daylight Time
• Free 1-on-1 coaching for frontline healthcare workers
• Discounted 1-on-1 coaching services (The One You Feed Personal Transformation Program, The 1-on-1 Spiritual Habits Program or a blend of the two programs)

To learn more about how to take advantage of any of these resources, head to our COVID-19 Support page.

If you would like to see if working 1-on-1 with me as a behavior coach is right for you, I offer a free 30-minute intro call to see if we’re a fit to work together. 

On the intro call, there is no pressure to sign up to work with me. Instead, we’ll spend our time on the phone talking about the specific challenges you’re facing and we’ll explore how I might help. Whether or not we decide to work together, I’ll offer my thoughts on how you might work with these challenges to overcome them and make some progress in the areas of your life where you’re feeling stuck. 

Need help working through difficult feelings or thoughts? Maybe you know you could use support figuring out how to prioritize self-care (meditation, exercise, healthy eating habits), or you need to learn how to break through procrastination, or structure your days to remain productive despite all the challenges? 

Bring me what you’re struggling with and let’s see if we’re a fit to work together to get you past whatever is blocking you.

To take advantage of this discount on my 1-on-1 coaching services, click here to book your free intro call.

Take good care, 

Eric

Before I begin, let me say that my girlfriend, Ginny, has given me full permission to share all of this.

Ginny struggled with emotional eating for about 30 years. But she only truly realized it in the last 5 years. And then she truly overcame it in the last 2 years.

When we met and starting dating, she was about 40 pounds heavier than she is today. Her emotions were driving a lot of her problematic behaviors when it came to eating but they were lurking below the surface disguising themselves as intense food cravings.

Sometimes she knew she was turning to food for comfort but sometimes she fixated so much on a specific food craving that she thought the only solution was to have that particular food and she attributed the craving and the behavior to that food alone – not her emotions.

About 6 months ago, I was teaching a workshop in Cleveland, OH and during a group discussion, Ginny said something that struck a chord – I’ve quoted her several times since:

“When I thought all I wanted was a cupcake – there was only one solution: A cupcake. But when I realized what I deeply wanted was not to be bored, for example – well, there are a lot of solutions for that.”

See, once she identified the underlying emotion or feeling driving her intense food cravings, she could begin to learn to work with it more skillfully.

And she would tell you that “giving in to feel good” was a behavior pattern that sabotaged her in many ways when it came to her emotions.

She had to learn how to experience her emotions in a way that was helpful and healing and strengthening. Not sabotaging.

The point here is that there are specific ways to do this – they have been taught through the ages by spiritual teachers and more recently by professionals in the mental health arena.

Ginny would say that’s good news because it means you aren’t doomed to always be in an unhealthy relationship with food – you just need to learn a specific skill set that you don’t currently have.

I would agree with her.

Learning the techniques associated with emotional regulation can be life-changing.

Whatever the difficult emotion – sadness, loneliness, fear, anger, boredom – they aren’t emergencies. They are feelings and they can be destructive or instructive depending on how you interact with them.

Emotional regulation and techniques to help you experience your emotions in healthy ways are skills that I teach to nearly all of my private clients through The One You Feed Personal Transformation Program.

When we work together 1-on-1, I not only teach you the skills but I walk with you every step of the way as you learn to implement them.

Through daily check-ins and weekly calls, I am there to help you understand what happened when things don’t go so well and I am there to celebrate with you when things go really well.

Emotional eating and other behaviors that stem from unskillful reactions to difficult emotions can’t be overcome alone.

Whether it’s me, another professional or a supportive group of some kind – you need others in your corner helping you along the way.

I offer a free 30-minute coaching call to see if we’re a fit to work together. If you’re interested, click here to book a call with me. There’s no risk – if we’re not a fit, we part as friends and at the very least I’ll offer my thoughts on your current situation so you’ll have some ideas to consider as you move forward.

Don’t stay stuck in an unhealthy relationship with food and your emotions. There’s a better way.